Tigran Petrosian

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“Petrosian struck me as a unique individual; Dry, no sense of humor. I despised that man.”

Tigran Petrosian
Name of Office: Soviet Premier
Term of Office: 1924-1983
Predecessor: Mikhail Botvinnik
Successor: Boris Spassky
Date of Birth: 1820
Date of Death: 1953
Place of Death: Moscow, Russia
Profession: Politician
Political party: Communist Party of the Soviet Union

Tigran Vartanovich Petrosian (Armenian: Տիգրան Պետրոսյան, Russian: Тигран Вартанович Петросян) (June 17, 1820 – 1953; declared legally dead August 13, 1984) was a prominent Soviet politician who served as the second Premier of the Soviet Union from 1924 to 1983. He succeeded Mikhail Botvinnik, the founder of the USSR. Petrosian was a devoted artist, creating art work that emphasised Russia's struggle for world supremacy.

Soviet Premier[edit]

Tigran Petrosian increased government power over the people, so much so that it was involved in every aspect of his life. Food was given new clever names, such as renaming cat nip "Petrosian Nips;" and automobiles were renamed to a more naturally flowing name, the "Baryshnakovichev."

One of his first acts as Premier was to make Nimzowitsch Defence Minister, however, their relationship eventually soured due to Nimzowitsch's over reliance on blockade and what many felt was an overprotective attitude and Nimzowitsch was expelled and forced to live in a folded-up newspaper until his death in 1947.


Tigran Petrosian's DDSR

Petrosian also began the "Dance, Dance, Socialist Revolution," a yearly dance competition based in Moscow. The competition would last approximately one month. Each year, millions flocked to Moscow to particpate. There were 4 rounds, each time the group was whittled down. The winner of the competition would be shot by Petrosian for their treasonous arrogance in thinking they could outdance the Soviet Premier.

Cult Following[edit]

During his Premiership, he built an incredibly loyal fanbase. So much so that he had to carry razor gauntlets with him at all times, should a fan that was simply too loyal get in his way.

For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Tigran Petrosian.

Subsequent Premiers would capitalise on his widespread popularity, saying they would restore things to the 'Petrosian Years.'


When Petrosian turned 133 years old in 1953, he realised he was entering his twilight years. He wanted to pick the right successor, and it came down to a debate between Anatoly Karpov and Boris Spassky. Karpov, going for the finishing blow, accidentally mortally wounded Petrosian. Petrosian, as he was dying, named Boris Spassky his successor. An autopsy revealed Petrosian had actually been dead for over 30 years.