Tiraspol

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search


PMS-SR is one of the oldest sovereign states in history. Here is a rare photograph of Lenin's visit to PMS-SR in the Second Millenium of the Common Era.

Tiraspol[edit]

Tiraspol is the capital of the Tiraspol-Nistrian Somewhat-Socialist Republic, abbreviated as PMS-SR, for Pridnestrowskaja Moldawskaja Sowietsko-Sotsialystycheskaja Respublikah (Приднестровская Молдавская Советскo-Социалистическая Республика) after its name in the Neo-Russian dialect spoken in Tiraspol. Following the break-up of the USSR in 1991, Tiraspol emerged as one of the most prosperous cities in Europe and as the capital of one of the most powerful states in the Commonwealth of Independent States.

The General Secretary of Tiraspol is Edgar Smirnoff, the Father of Yakov Smirnoff and of the Garbage cans. (Gen-Sec Smirnoff is not the heir to the Smirnoff Vodka fortune.)

It is easy to remember the name of this mighty state, PMS-SR: Tiraspolites are perpetually cranky (PMS), but Smirnoff Rules! (SR).

Symbols of Statehood[edit]

Tiraspol PMS-SR Flag.
Coat-of-Arms of Tiraspol.

The flag of PMS-SR is a bad indigestion color flag, red-green-red per fess. In dexter chief there is a golden hammer&sickle commemorating the defeat of Russia in the First Moldovan War.

The coat-of-arms of Tiraspol features the number "1792" in honor of the first economic victory of Tiraspol over the Latin typewriters, 1792 in number. The letters "Я" and "R" signify the superiority of Cyrillic alphabet over the Latin alphabet. In the right upper corner of the shield is the Sun that Tiraspolites believe to be in the shape of a gigantic sprocket, and in the lower left corner are the Sour Grapes of Moldova. The Sun represents the bright future of Tiraspol Idiots, and that the Grapes will remain Sour without the Sun. The wavy green lines are the waters of the mighty Nistru River.

Economic Development[edit]

The Emblem of Tiraspol's highest ruling body.

Early boost in the development of Tiraspol was achieved by canceling the order for 1792 mechanical Latin typewriters. These savings were made possible by the advances of Tiraspol's leadership who determined that all texts will be typed using the Cyrillic alphabet, and local linguists, who reconstructed the true versions of the English, Latin, Romanian, and Moldovan languages in the Cyrillic alphabet.

Following the Russian defeat in the First Moldovan War, 50% of all rubles laundered by Russians must be laundered in Tiraspol.

Most of the city's revenue comes from the diligent and tireless work of Tiraspol Customs Office, successfully intercepting all illegal drug trafficking and reselling the lute to the highest bidder.

Defense and Military History[edit]

Lenin addressing the Tiraspol military atop its secret weapon, called the "Brawn-a-wick".

The First Moldovan War of 1992 was fought in Tiraspol, when the PMS-SR defeated the combined armed aggression of Romania and Moldova. The aim of the aggressors was to confiscate all Cyrillic typewriters and force Tiraspolites to purchase Latin typerwriters from Olivetti. Russia soon entered the conflict by dispatching its famed 14th Army to quell the Tiraspolites, however the fierce Tiraspolites surrounded the 14th Army and forced it to disarm.

Tiraspol is also the site of the Battle of Tiraspol in the Second Moldovan War.

Education and Science[edit]

The goal of Tiraspol's PMS-SR is to achieve 100% Cyrillic literacy. Currently 99.9% of all citizens know the Cyrillic alphabet.

Tiraspol linguists and scientists proved that Moldovan and Romanian languages are isomorphic.