Toby Juan Kenobi

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Toby Juan Kenobi was born 1612 in North London in a cardboard box overwhelmed with polystyrene and his two mothers, Lary-Mou Brunkard and Mamatobes. His father, the lateish Tony Benn, of ancient English politics fame and 3rd nanny to the eventual Emperor of the Star Wars galaxy, laboured for minutes trying to find the perfect host to impregnate with his future child Toby, until he stumbled upon Miss Brunkard, a wench and part-time "favourist" in the Croydon Area.

The name Toby Kenobi actually stems from an old saying "Toby can obey", Toby being the name given to the 3rd born of every family (regardless of gender) which are groomed into being the slave and school-runner of the family. Tobys' father Tony, well aware of the of the implications of the 3rd child scenario, could not face the prospect of being relieved of his washing up and cobweb thrashing duties (he loved marigolds) being passed on to his 3rd son and decided to off-load this child to another. When Miss Brunkard left with the Dead, Toby was implanted into the womb of the semigoddess Mamatobes. She gave him the force, and thereby also left the fate of the universe in his hands. On a side note, his stepfather, Papatobes captured all of the available women in the universe, thereby leaving the fate of his happiness also in his hands.

At age 5, having served 2 years in the army and 6 months working behind the local schools bike sheds selling spare gym shorts and cigarellos, Toby penned his first novel, Primed and Prejuiced, which later became a best selling leaflet, which in turn was constructed into one of the first entries into the Great Paper Areoplane Trials of New Dundee. It was during this time that Toby fell deeply in love with a young Vietnamese boy named William Yochum. Later whilst travelling with a group of Hungarian Gypsies, Toby met his child-friend and apprentice, Bobby Henderson. Together, they spent years wandering the dark allies of Singapore and discussing the philosophy of Ge Hong. After 15 years of mutual lust for The Force, they moved to Naples where Bobby and Toby parted ways. Bobby began a new cult, and Toby returned to the UK.

Concerned with never being able to achieve his ultimate desires (the abolition of cheese and wine parties occuring after 7:30pm in Dorset, UK, and sex before turning 80) Toby moved to Fuengirola, Spain in order that he get some good partying and less sleep to aid him in his search. It was whilst he was here that he met a man called Iwan A Lucas, a Swedish a novelist and semi-mentalist inventor.

The story of of Iwans inventions and obsession with lime pickle sauce is well documented and it was not long before Toby took up his new job as Iwans time travelling investigator, travelling the depths of space, its galaxies and the histories therein/after/afore. Iwan then convinced Toby Juan to forget his father and move on. In an abrupt break with old Tony Juan Benn, Toby Juan, dropped his middle name and from then on became known as Toby Wan Kenobi. He recalls in an inteview "It must have been whilst I was partying on Dantoween that I scored with this rancid Huttess that I'd been after for 60,000 years. I was pretty tipsy on absynth when it all occured but was sure that t was that very night that she gave birth to our son "Benny". I don't see him much these days - he's to into his wacko religion to be having fun with his old man" (090905 Planktonmullet)