Toby Keith

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A tempermental country singer and avid drinker of elephant semen macchiato.

The early years[edit]

Toby Keith was born in a country in 1961, during his years there he learnt to sing.

He recorded his first song "Should've Been a Cowbaby" at the young age of 32.

The start-up years years[edit]

At the fateful age of 44 (in his ninth year at Bigot elementary school) a freak accident left him crippled with a cowboy hat. He poured minutes into finding a cure but eventually accepted his new fate of being both a country music singer and having a bad dress sense; Critics the world over were fascinated to discover he had not noticed this prior to his "hat accident".

After teaming up with Eminem to produce the album, "Jesus better give me drugs to sell before I cap his ass", Toby was artisticlly bored of rap, and moved to country music. He signed to conservative douche records and went on touring the deep south. He then developed his sound, with such songs as patriotism should be mandatory, and I want a McDonalds filled ass in my bed!

First album/Succesful years[edit]


He then started openly criticising pop diva 50 cent on the radio and in awards shows. All the teenage girls, wanting to save 50, smothered Toby with cement shoes and killed him in 1994.


In the year 2000, Keith was reincarnated as a jar of peanut butter and subsequently elected vice president by George W. Bush. He was frequently assassinated and reincarnated, totaling 8,345 times, but was ultimately killed for good in 2788, by a hungry Grue.