From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“Tokyo... that's the make of my television, right?”

~ Typical American Citizen on Tokyo

Tokyo (東京 Tōkyō), also known as Kyoto (京東 Kyōto), is one of the 47 prefectures of Japan. Tokyo is the capital of Japan, the center of the Greater Tokyo Area, and is prone to several monster attacks each year. Its population consists mainly of Chinese people who migrated east and a non-corporial species of aliant that try to take over your body by getting sucked up your nostrils. Tokyoites prefer mecha and are often attacked by robots and shamans in large groups at malls and in karaoke torture boxes. It is common for Tokyoites to communicate non-verbally for days at a time using a host of digital devices embedded in their genitalia. Tokyo's main exports include basebaru, ninjas and the occasional robot.

The mayor of Tokyo is a giant tentacle monster that abuses Tokyoans for entertainment. The Daughter of YOUKMEIUSUGA (汗臭陰部汁) is a five-centimeter cat.

Tokyo is the birthplace of bukkake, which is Japan's greatest cultural contribution to the world.

This is VERY normal fashion in Tokyo. If you wanna be a NORMAL human being in Tokyo, you MUST wear one of these.

Tourists flock to Tokyo to see the sights, which include the state-of-the-art 1964 Olympic venue, the giant monsters(the most famous including Godzilla, Mecha-Streisand, Lindsay Lohan, and the super J-Pop superstar Ayumi Hamasaki) and the rampant population of midgets, recently migrated from Vienna.

All Tokyoans are required by law to start smoking at the age of 15, failure to do so is punishable by bukkake.

Average day in Tokyo.

Tokyo Tower was built in 1923 because the Tokyoite were jealous of the similar, but shorter, Eiffel Tower in Paris, France,. Unfortunately, unlike Paris' Eiffel Tower, Tokyo's equivilant lacks the romantic notion which is so famous to the European alternative and instead of being a place for fine wine and sweet-nothings, it is the ideal location to get stabbed and/or raped.

Paris Hilton is the most famous Tokyoite that ever lived. Thankfully, she will soon be dead from an eating disorder, or stabbed by a pizza boy. But honestly, who cares about her?

95% of Tokyo's population consists of giant monsters, mechs, and magical girls. Tokyo is also home to the famous Hentai director and bukkake marathon champion Hayao Miyazaki. The rest of it's tourists. Tokyo was eaten by Bear Grylls because it was a great source of protein.


Tokyo was founded on the back of Mothra a ancient monster cleverly designed to look like your average moth. Due to the constant Godzilla attacks, Tokyo has decided that any lizards will be shot on site. Tokyoites hate white people, but love black people because they don't like things in the middle, they either like their people to be short or veeeeeeeeeeery long,. Japan has a long history. It is also very rich and exceedingly historical. One almost could say the the historical nature of Japan's history is superfluous, or even redundant. Tokyo also has had some horrible relations with the gaming genre in the US. The Xbox to them is this giant Satan box that will consume your soul if you even look at it, let alone touch it. They would rather play the PS3. There has been many siting of the Xboxes consuming individuals.

Tokyo Disneyland is actually not in Tokyo, it is in Chiba west of Tokyo, And is run by irish midgets who are all part of a conspiracy to steal the sun.

This is Tokyo in the rain.. you cant see but there is a spaceship intop of the buildings... Invasion of Tokyo

Tokyo Today (2040)[edit]

A typical magic girl resident of Tokyo.
The Battle of Tokyo in 2033. Japan won in the end beause Domo-kun and Godzilla came to help.
Typical rush hour of Tokyo commuter rail.

Tokyo today is a jail city were worldwide convicts go. Tokyo is sealed by the huge Wall of Tokyo. People aren't locked up in cells, but roam free in the streets of Tokyo. There are 5 "Kingdoms" in Tokyo: Snake a.k.a Jailbird from the Simpsons Kingdom, Snake Plissen's Kingdom, Communist leaders and followers Kingdom, "Otaku" Kingdom, and Japanese Convicts Kingdom. All these "Kingdoms" have different rules and money. All of them are connected by the Tokyoan Subway, which is free to ride. Escape: Convicts in Tokyo can escape this city-hell. The way is to take the Shinjuku Line (lime green color) in downtown Tokyo (Note: This part belongs to all five "Kingdoms".) Super x99999 Note: The map at the bottom of this page is very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very rare. In order to get this map you must sell yourself at the"Otaku" Kingdom for 10 nights or go to the Communist leaders and followers Kingdom and get branded with the Nazi Symbol and be their slave for 7 days. Once you board the Shinjuku Line you can go East or West to the underground airports, there actually real airports that went underground after the 2015 Earthquake that destroyed the Tokyo Tower too. Note: the Liberty Cave Airport is smaller due to that it is on the west side were few people live than the east side were thousands of people live. The two airports are the Liberty Cave Airport and the Liberty UnderLand Airport. The Liberty Cave Airport belongs to the Sankes Plissens's Kingdom and the other one to Snake a.k.a Jailbird from the Simpsons Kingdom. Planes in the Liberty Cave Airport cost's one bottle of 10 cups full of your sperm and the other one cost's you to masturbate for 1hr, then have sex with a guy for 1hr (He can touch, suck, and lick your balls for 1hr), and then you must give him one bottle of 10 millimeters of sperm. Planes go to New York City, Sydney, Hong Kong, Paris, Reynosa, London, San Francisco, Chicago, and New Delhi.

It's true! There's a spaceship in Tokyo! A REAL one!

Origins of the Japanese Monsters[edit]

Example 1 - Not actual size (scale 1:10) - alien sock puppet mocking the human known as Groucho Marx.

Tokyo is also a planet 3 million light years from earth inhabited by 11 inch tall sock puppets.

Often referred to as Tokyoians or The Predator (An alien type of Ninja). The Tokyoian alien ninja race alone are responsible for the Attack of the Japanese Monsters game resulting in the utter annihilation of the samurai pirates (Not to be confused with Ass Pirates).

They are also responsible for the creation of Godzilla and dinosaurs who they set upon the isle of Japan. Tokyoians resorted to this maneuver once they realized that the samurai's love of cake failed to slow them down or kill them, even when it was poisoned. The only way to distract the samurai pirates was to give them a game that a random south Korean saved from the Japanese Monster factory and somehow made it to Tokyo, the one in Japan, where he washed up on shore and the samurai found it and gave thanks. Then when they were least expecting it, they were destroyed.

Example 2 - Not actual size (scale 1:10) - Another Tokyoian sock puppet doing a crude impersonation of Optimus Prime.

Tokyoians are known to be vicious and have an insane sense of humor, so you don't know if they are smiling because they are going to tell a joke or if they are going to kill you. Extreme caution is urged if you should come into contact with one or several. And if you happen upon several, we suggest you lie down and play dead or run like the wind.

Example de Scat - Tokyo humans enjoying the tokyoian custom of bathing in and dining on scat.

The main staple of a Tokyoians diet is known as Scat, a good way of recycling proteins, etc, as well as a delicious dish. First brought to the attention of the Western world by the Nazi race. This data was spuriously supplied by God who is an apparent avid researcher of scat technology and cuisine.

This article is part of the Wonderful Japan series
Culture: Bushido | Engrish | Manga | Battle Royale | Cosplay | Domo-kun | Samurai | Japanese High Schools | Japan Self-Defense Forces | Ninja Gaijin | No Gaijin Allowed | Domo-kun | PlayStation Portable | Nintendo Eightfold Path | Wii | Mario | Pikachu | Death Note | Yaoi | Hello Kitty | Doraemon | Naruto | Vocaloid | Yu-Gi-Oh!

Companies: Toyota | Nintendo | Honda | Mazda | Mitsubishi | Konami | Sony

People: Chikan | Godzilla | Junichiro Koizumi | Shinzo Abe | Shigeru Miyamoto | Sadaharu Oh | Hikaru Utada | Oda Nobunaga | Toshiro Mifune | Toyotomi Hideyoshi

Places: Tokyo | Osaka | Hiroshima | Nagasaki | Fukoshima Nuclear Plant

Organizations: CLAMP

History: Prehistory | Kamakura/Minamoto Shogunate | Muromachi/Ashikaga Shogunate | Sengoku Period | Azuchi/Oda Shogunate (Incident at Honnō-ji) | Edo/Tokugawa Shogunate | Empire of Japan | 2011 Earthquake in the Land of the Rising Sun