Tom Arnold

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Actor, Comedian, Last member of the bacon-men and 38th President of The United States of America

Tom Arnold

“Women do not wear watches for one and only one reason......There is a clock on the stove”

~ Tom Arnold on Women


Early life[edit]

Arnold was born in Taiwan, from a combination of catfish and bacon d.n.a. When he was 23, he was doing stand-up comedy in Minneapolis. He met Roseanne Barr when she saw his act. their combined weight of 1,324 is still an all-time celebrity record, But Rosie O'Donnel is single-handedly fighting for the record. The weigh-in is on MLK Jr. day at 3:00.


Arnold was a stand-up comic who became a writer for the popular television Situation comedy Roseanne.(which debuted in 1988. He married the show's star, Roseanne Barr, in 1990, after she divorced her first husband. He appeared occasionally on the show as the character "Arnie Thomas" (a spoof of his name). The couple's marriage attracted media and especially tabloids attention due to their sometimes outrageous behavior. In 1992 Arnold starred in his own sitcom, The Jackie Thomas Show. Airing after Roseanne on ABC, the show lasted 18 episodes. In 1993, Arnold and Barr bought a house together in Arnold's hometown of Ottumwa and opened a restaurant in nearby Eldon, Iowa. Both appeared in the 1993 movie The Woman Who Loved Elvis, which was filmed in Ottumwa. Arnold and Barr divorced in 1994, and their restaurant closed in 1995. Arnold sucks.

In 1994, Arnold appeared as the sidekick to Arnold Schwarzenegger's character in the James Cameron feature film True Lies. He later supported Schwarzenegger's bid for the California governorship. He played the father on the Outer Limits episode "Family Values." His role in true Lies was parody in an episode of The Simpsons, where washed-up actor Troy McClure makes a comeback in a McBain movie. The Simpsons has also shown Tom Arnold among the people sent to the Sun in a rocket, in their 10th Halloween episode.

Although many only know him as an actor and comedian, Tom Arnold was in fact The 38th President of The United States.

Conan refrencing the Tom Arnold Scandal

His foreign and economic policies brought sweeing changes to the economy of America. Late in his second term Tom Arnold was forced to resign due to accusations of sexual misconduct. It is said that Tom Arnold laid the foundation for the Monica Lewinski scandal of President Bill Clinton.

Arnold was the host of Fox Sports Net's talk show Best Damn Sports Show Period and has provided the voice for Arby's "Oven Mitt" character in television Television commercial for the fast-food chain. As host, Arnold was involved in the April Fool's day "fight" on the show.