Tom Prentice Treatment

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The Tom Prentice Treatment is a way of torture as devised by Oprah and first thought to have been performed on Tom Prentice, the first genetic wankstain in the history of mankind.


The Tom Prentice Treatment was invented by Oprah just after she adopted Cher as her lieutenant, as a method of giving Cher cheap facelifts while Satan was having afternoon tea with Mark Twain. It remained imperfect until she accidentally met Tom Prentice while playing Croquet. What the fuck Prentice was doing anywhere near something so culturally refined as a Croquet Field is currently the work of Stephen Hawking, although he has just retired to his cupboard in Oxford University to to more work on the 12 Fundamental Cheeses.

Since Her Mind Knows No Boundries to Evil she realised that she could kill babies in a better way then she then did before: thus Tom Prentice became the first of many to suffer a slow and rather painful death.

However, Prentice was later brought back to life after Einstein discovered he could wobble at the speed of light. God then got Bored with his creation (Most people would be pissed off if a guy who loves Anal Fisting figured out that the your universe is a Lego model) and went off to have a joint, forgetting to undergo the arduous process of taking to the Nether Regions.

The Prentice Treatment is also the cause of extinction of the chocology-studying Chocotopians.


The process is documented by Steve Ballmer since he adopted Tom as his lovechild, as a public front for Oprah to invest in Microsoft. Thus the process was born:

  • Firstly go and huff some kittens before moving to Estonia. It's legal there.
  • Hang the Victim over molasses by the genetilia, over a vat of molasses and Brie. West's first laws of Dairy compounds (He's had a few) means the mixture takes on the likeness of Doctor Who and swallowing the victim. Slowly. Head first. While reciting Hamlet, the poem (Written in Alphabet Soup by Lenin.

The Tom Prentice Treatment now[edit]

The theory of Cheese Strings states that the present is unattainable. I wouldn't think about this too often. The universe may disappear in a puff of logic. You have been warned. Chareless dairyquantized-relativity-based-physics costs lives.