Tom Usher

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

(See also: England)

TomUsher.jpg

Hailing from South Beach, California, Tom Usher, a direct descendant of Magical Trevor, claims to have dreamed of reaching his God-like ox-wrestling status "since I was a kid". "I just had these crazy visions" explains Usher, toking calmly on a newly-lit reefer. "It was wrestling in a ring... But it was me, against an ox..."

Born in 1965, Usher worked hard as an aspiring young wrestler until he was finally spotted by the WWF in 1985. However, he was forced to retire early in 1992 due to his persistent refusal to wrestle human beings. In 1995, after seven successful battles with cancer, he finally won the battle (which he had taken to court) and was re-accepted into the WWF by a reluctant Vince McMahon. For the past 10 years, he has been defending his title as 'World Man Vs Ox Champion' - subduing most of his brave challengers with his signature move, the Shotgun Pete.

During a recent ox wrestling match Tom Usher sighted a fair maiden and simulentaneously wrestled the ox and courted her with his faithful harmonica. A true master of the harmonica Tom Usher has played with many of the country and blues greats including Eric Clapton and Willie nelson. Unfortunately during an even more recent match he swallowed the harmonica and has now taken to the road with Van morrison. What will the future hold for this guy?


Oscar Wilde (and other various well-known people) on Tom Usher[edit]

  • "A muscular man, I must admit. Strong in body, but weaker in mind than me." - Oscar Wilde
  • "I, the only guy to survive the Shotgun Pete, depend on a machine to breathe for me." - Shawn Michaels
  • "Tom Usher... Well, you get the idea." - Douglas Adams
  • "If Tom Usher were a student, he'd be one student too many. As he isn't a student, he's one excessive student not enough, and I like it." - Terry Pratchett
  • "Tom Usher... Nice guy." - George W. Bush
  • "Larger in heat than most, compatible in heart and lesser than farbles." - Darth Vader

Other beings comparable to Tom Usher[edit]

Yoda.jpg

perhaps the only being equally capable of such harmonica mastery, unfortunately they will never play together because Yoda resides somewhere in the Dego Ba system