Tom pratt

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Early life[edit]

Little is known about Tom "The Pervy Bottler" Pratt's early life although there are several theories. One being that he was brought here by a comet. The other being he was raised by wolves in the style of jungle book. This would explain his complete ineptness at social functions and his dire social skills. Also pertaining to his failure of life.


Promotional image of Dr. Tom. His dvd was going to be titled "the legend, the pornstar, the perv"

School days[edit]

Tom maintained a successful school career where he attained some very high grades. Fair play to him! However, he also has a dark side to his tale.

He was often requested to sing the lyrics to hit song 'Wild, wild west' rap after its release following the film of the same name, in which Tom would openly and often abruptly start singing without any beat or background prompting. The words to which song tom clearly had very little knowledge and only ever seemed to get as far as "Once upon a time in the west--wicky wild, wicky wicky wild wild west" before any such audience (often his fellow peers) were howling on rolling on the ground laughing their arses off. This often lead to severe ridicule from his peers who saw it as a gimmick and asked him to do it as much as possible.

It's been said that in history lessons amidst conversation he would blurt out the most inappropriate joke whereby the classroom would fall silent and just stare at him. Tom would then get nervous and his palms would become very sweaty. After 2 or more minutes of silence he would often tell everyone to "ave a wank or piss off" or in more extreme cases leap from his chair and proceed to jump out the window. Strangely, the 5 times he did this he was unscathed. The history teach at the time Miss Nijjar (ninja) often tried to console Tom and humour him which to the classes utmost avail lead to further poor jokes and deathly silences of which many in the room would have traded places with those involved in the battle of the somme.

It's also been said he used to perv at the girls in the changing rooms using a periscope and a camera. However, these rumours aren't confirmed.

Comedy career[edit]

Around about Christmas time 2005 Tom decided to start a glorious career in the art of comedy under the alias of Dr. Tom which would soon go down in infamy. As the new year approached tom had already written plenty of material and was looking forward to his first gig; a mates 18th birthday party in February 2006.

One such material included a rather dazzling song titled "simon the pieman" in which Dr. Tom sings in a high pitch tone about Simon "avin a wank" as he put it. Unfortunately however, this spectacular rendition never made it into the final show.

As February quickly approached the legendary Dr. got ever increasingly nervous until he finally snapped. On the morning of February 3rd, the fateful day of his gig, he rang up Simon (who's party it was) and promptly informed him he was no longer doing the show. This is where the notorious nick name "The Bottler" was spawned.

Later that evening after Simon's cousin's band, knilt, had finished playing something magical happened. Out of the shadows in a some what drunken state clambered on to stage a crouching figure. To the crowds amazement it was Dr. Tom. He was going to do the show after all! The whole thing had been a ruse, a decoy if you will. He wanted to build suspense.

Unfortunately he was shit. The crowd was not pleased with his routine at all and to many heckles he was booed from the stage. Leaving in disgrace.

Soon after Dr. Tom announced he was retiring from stand up comedy. His reason? He was "embarrassed"

Tom at a charity boxing event. Unfortunately, only one person turned up; the camera man.

Current day[edit]

Tom changed his name back and quickly retired from public life after his rather pathetic escapade. He became a shut in. A recluse. In the months that followed he became rather depressed and refrained from socialising instead opting to stay at home drinking Fosters and often crying himself to sleep huddled in the fetal position on the floor. His mates didn't care much and infact, didn't notice one bit.

To this day he remains locked away getting slightly more disillusioned with society each passing day.

One liners[edit]

Tom has had many one liners to date both in his Dr. Tom and normal role. They include:

  • 'ear me now! - Dr. Tom's catchphrase.
  • 'avin a wank! - Lyrics to a song. Also the tagline for his website.
  • Chicken baaaaaalls and sweet and sour saaaaaaaaaaaauce - more lyrics.
  • ohh...OHHHHH... OH FUCKIN' HELL! - Tom experimenting with asphyxy wanking.
  • Yeah go on GO ON! - Tom getting excited about being filmed.