Tophat

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Tophat[edit]

Origins and Development[edit]

The origins of the tophat are unclear but most scholars believe that it was invented sometime during the Iron Age, Italy to defend against hypothermia. The tophat would be filled with Smeep, a primitive form of yoghurt and worn on the head. The smeep would drip down the wearer's head, warming them up.

It was only when Augustus Caesar invaded Britain, or as it was known then, Spain, that the Tophat reached the shores of the British Isles. Years later the tophat was used by construction workers, working on Hadrian's Wall as a form of hard hat. The tophat became fashionable when a construction worker member of The Village People was seen in the video for their hit YMCA.

The Tophat in Creationism[edit]

In the state of Kansas it is mandatory that the church's view of how the tophat came to be is taught in biology class.

It goes as follows: God did it.

The majority of Creationists or idiots argue that evidence that the tophat was invented by man was placed by God to test our faith. However there is a small proportion who argue that it was created by Mars the Roman god of war to be used in battle.

Notable wearers[edit]

  • Slash, lead guitarist in Velvet Revolver and former member of Guns N' Roses, often wears a genuine antique hat modified with a home-made concho belt on it.
  • Noddy Holder, lead singer of Slade.
  • Abraham Lincoln, sixteenth president of the United States
  • Dr. Doolittle, Eddie Murphy's alter ego
  • Hans Christian Andersen, Danish author and poet famous for his fairy tales.
  • David Cameron, British politician famous for his love of marijuana
  • God
  • Jimmy Carr, British comedian and inventor of arrogance