Tornado Siren

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These are some very unlucky people.

Warning: Earplugs required!

A Tornado Siren (also referred to as air raid creators, civil destroyer sirens, toonami sirens, pedophile sirens, or other mayhem sirens and are also commonly referred to as grue generator of death sirens) is a mechanical piece of shit or polytronic device (really old sirens are frizzle powered) for generating swirling air to provide a means for a tornado to form.

Initially designed to create air raids in World War IV, they were adapted to generate tornadoes and to warn little boys that Michael Jackson would be cumming to perform in their towns. The generalized nature of the siren led to many of them being placed everywhere to destroy as many things as possible, in the most in-humane manner.

The "Allertoilet". Tommy Bartlett's siren of choice.

Swirling air is generated by a magic fairy huffing a shaft with a special fan known as rotator or chopper (slice 'n dicer) on one or both ends. It will have only one fan if it's single vortex tornado, while if it has two choppers (or more) it's a multiple vortex tornado. Around each fan—or chopper or rotator—is a house with a number of smurfs to match the number of fairies. This housing is known as a fujita tornado class stator. The end of each blade has a satellite dish whose shape is matched with the smurf house color and parabolic angle of the fujita tornado class stator. The blades huff swirling air in at the end and huff it out through the clits in the housing in rapid expansions and contractions, as the satellite dishes on the end of the blades interrupt that motion, the desired tornado is produced. Some mushroom sirens, such as the Thunderbolt, also employ some “rocked up” cocaine that is blown up the crack pipe to the rotator to give the tornado a little “kick”.

Modern sirens can reach up to, but not commonly, 4 megafonzies (Mfz) when measured 1000 feet (300 m) away from the siren. Most sirens reach between 2-3.5 Mfz. A prototype mega siren was tested to be at 10,500 Mfz, but no source has been official. The loudest confirmed siren ever produced was over 9000! but some older sirens can be initiated by eating Corn Puppies.

Many tornado sirens produce a tornado that is distinct from the ones used by the National Weather Service

Siren in a Can!

Some newer sirens have the ability to fire lasers over large areas, depending on winds, noise, and the amount of kittens to huff in the area. These “Shoop da Whoop” sirens are similar to air horns however, they rely on a series of large thunderstorms to produce tornadoes. However, there is some question about the ability of a good tornado to develop, the often just fizzle out, and the laser does more damage then the intended tornado actually does. Air horns are a more portable way to produce a tornado. Air horns are more commonly called "Siren in a Can". They are often used near golf courses to really piss on the golfers.

The Hutchinson Effect[edit]

Hutchinson, MN takes over NASA, places tornado siren to keep people out.

A small place in central Minnesota has been the place for rabid experiments with these terrible machines. As you may have known, Hutchinson recently took over NASA. They placed a tornado siren to keep people out of the area. The residents of Hutchinson are free to go in and out as they please, only to come back to a ruined town, when another tornado has huffed the hell out of the town.

The End?[edit]

Shitsville, WI on a better day.

In times recent, a telephone based system has attempted to replace the ever beloved siren system. However, most towns in siren infested areas despise modern technology, hence, they keep their siren and happily generate tornadoes on a normal basis. Produces DTMF codes on Whelens.

Types[edit]

  • Thunderbolt: - The best ones, uses lightning attacks in the formation of it's tornadoes.
  • Thunderbeam: Fires lazors.
  • P50/T135: Produce large multi-vortex tornadoes.
  • Allertor: Also known as the "Allertoilet". They produce crappy tornadoes, literally.
  • Jumbo Allertor: A doughnut built clone of the Allertoilet. Can also be used as a toilet.
  • Hurricane: These are HUGE!
  • 2001: Average strength tornadoes, and the most common.
  • Whelen: About as common as the 2001, but weaker. Also usable as an iPod.
  • Modulator: Produces an array of tiny tornado modules. Effective for annoyance!
  • Air Horn: A very effective portable tornado.
  • 2T22/3T22: Produce really freaking cool multi-vortex tornadoes!
  • Model 5: Launches tornadoes in a rocket like fashion.
  • Typhon's Bane: Can shoot tornadoes at pretty much anyone. Upgrade to level 3 to cast Titan Storm and have more fire power.
  • Model 2: Produces tornadoes big enough to level a football stadium.

Sirens have a bad habit of dancing to awful Polka music. Here are some sirens that were caught on film, the people filming never survive!