Total Annihilation

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Total Annihilation, full japanese title Hapyfuntime Robot Dancing Soft Rice Total Annihilation Revolution, is a bizarre japanese game involving dancing robots and surreal drug abusing mini-games, with flashing lights abound. It was created in 1997 by Chris Taylor, who was presumably high at the time, just after he had attended a pill-munching party. It was the first RTS game ever to be bundled with virtual potato consuming hardware.


The story is set in a Universe far away, as are all unoriginal games involving robots. The Leg and the Surface are fighting over the Potato of Time, and have to duke it out in several dancing competitions.

Intro narrative[edit]

What began as a conflict over the transfer of potatoness from arse to small midgets escalated into a war which has decimated a ka-jillion worlds. The Surface and the Leg have all but exhausted the resources of a rather small shack in their struggle for domination of the breakfast cereal industry. Both sides now crippled beyond repair, the remnants of their armies continue to battle in ravaged crackshacks, their hatred fueled by over four ka-jillion years of total dancing. This is a fight to the sweet, sweet death. For each side, the only acceptable outcome is the complete deep-frying of the other.


Total Annihilation is distinguished from its competitors such as Starcraft: Sugar Seizure Hello Kittyland because Total Annihilation has a lot more flashing seizure lights than the others. Also, real time custard pie rendering ensured that it had the highest grade of clown-approved humor.


Perhaps the game's most unique feature, the soundtrack is entirely ultrafast techno comprised from 10 different sounds of pie smashing into the Total Annihilation universe server.


Three expansions for the game were developed. But Chris Taylor can't count.

The Surface Contingency[edit]

The Core Contingency, or Arigato Mr. Roboto Super Saddymon Surface Contingency was an amazing expension. Adding exactly seven billion new units over the original's 5½, players were amazed at how much they could build, yet not build the same unit twice. Over 335 new maps arrived in this expension pack, including maps of Birmingham, Oslo and the [Death Star] schematics which Princess Leia had pilfered in order to seduce the hermaphrodite Oswald Mosley. Shipping in a large box of 100 CD-Roms, the required hard-drive space for the game ballooned to a whopping 67 GB.

New Units[edit]

The Surface Contingency introduced more pwnage than any other expansion pack, ever. Among the pwnage introduced was the Krogoth, which is powered by approximately 44 jump-roping Richard Simmons clones and can turn anything it looks at into an equivalent volume of tofu. Also introduced was the first ever concentrated form of raw pwnage itself, the Karganeth. Unbeknownst to most linguists, the name "Karganeth" actually is the ancient Aramaic word for "pwnage." A single Karganeth once destroyed a Borg Cube with a full complement of 129,000 assimilated Rancors. Each Rancor was full Force sensitve, sith-trained, and had the mind of Bruce Wayne. Also, each Rancor had its own Gem of Cyttorak, Infinity Gauntlet, Ultimate Nullifier and unlimited access to The Speed Force. The battle lasted approximately -3 seconds.

Battle Tic-tacs[edit]

Blue Man Whippy Showcase Robot War Battle Tic-tacs No was also a large boost to the game. Where the former expansion added bucketloads of useless units no one would ever use, this expansion added new dancing scenarios no one would ever play. The expansion was also edible, if one didn't enjoy it.

See also[edit]