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Totalitarianism was an art movement made popular by Russians in the 16th Century. Known for its love of portraying young, green-tinted men sporting high-tech gadgets and conversing, it swept Europe by storm until it was outlawed by General Douglas MacArthur, the King of Canada, in the Art Purge of 1597.

The flag of Totalitarianism. (Logo's may vary)


An example of a totalitarianist work.

The most prominent totalitarianist was Abraham Lincoln III, who also founded the movement in 1504. Reportedly, the idea struck him while he was haggling with a bacon salesman, whose skin had a slightly greenish tint due to the large amounts of oxidized copper he had consumed as a child. Suddenly inspired, he ceased his bartering and ran home, seizing a piglet and an inkwell and combining the two together with superglue to make a massive, flaky pastry, which was spotted by his next-door neighbor Vladimir Putin. Putin offered to buy the pastry for 200,192,094,950 rubles, and the movement began.

Soon, many began imitating Lincoln III in the hope that they, too, might receive a large sum from Putin. Three thousand and forty-four totalitarianist works had been completed by 1514, and though Putin only bought forty-nine of them, the movement continued to spread. Eventually, totalitarianist works could be seen in all aspects of public life, and began appearing everywhere from car commericals to violent fires. By 1556, its viewing had superceded pop music as the most popular form of entertainment in Russia, and the most prominent totalitarianists had enough money gained through Putin, and other rich collectors following in his stead, to buy small Eastern European countries and cover them in mansions, something many were fond of doing.

Abraham Lincoln III's Total IV, one of the first widely-recognized pieces of totalitarian art. Completed in 1506.

In 1592, however, the strength of art movements in general was beginning to fade. Due to a massive smear campaign launched by Frederick Douglas against art, the international community began to lose interest, and eventually to persecute artists. This dynamic came to a head when General Douglas MacArthur, citing a feeling of "distinct fed-up-ness" with art, took over the entire planet and outlawed all forms of creative expression, including totalitarianism. For more information, see the Art Purge of 1597.

Later on, in 2058, a small group of indignant Russians attempted to use the messages they perceived as being placed within the art to overthrow the Democratic Socialist government of Russia and found a state based on the principle of telling everyone to shut up and be quiet. Ultimately, however, they failed, mostly because all of them were killed in a subway crash.


Even during its heyday, many regarded totalitarianist works as highly derivative and ultimately lacking in originality, claiming the artists desired more to get rich than to create great art. FDR is quoted as saying, "A totalitarianist is no better than a copying machine or a record exec, perhaps both", a sentiment that was shared among much of the counter-culture movement in Russia and was later used to denounce totalitarianism by the Anti-Art movement. Prominent totalitarianist Frank Zappa refuted these accusations, claiming that "totalitarianists love a good picture as much as anyone, perhaps moreso", and instructed everyone to chant in Swahili if they needed further proof.

Totalitarianism Today[edit]

There isn't any. Sorry, folks.