Totally Spies

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The spies (right) hunting the dangerous sociopath Kim Possible: a similar show, but without the complete hotness (she's smart AND wears big ol' floppy cargo pants).

“Yes, I would like to just watch some of this "television" that you speak of, Time Traveller. Oh... Oh god, NO! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!?!

~ Thomas Jefferson on Totally Spies

“Yeah, I'd spy that.”

~ James Bond on Totally Spies

“They're NOT real spies!!”

~ Sam Fisher on Totally Spies


~ Prissy Girl on Totally Spies

“What the FUCK? I got backstabbed by these bitches?!?”

~ Heavy Weapons Guy on Totally Spies

“In Soviet Russia, spies total you!”

~ Russian Reversal on Totally Spies

Totally Spies is an animated television program imported from Japan-France in the late 1990's about 3 teenage spies from America...America, yeah, coca-cola, Levi's, wunderbra, jah. The spies are 3 spoiled rich white girls in Beverly Hills (that's where I wanna be!) who are part-time spies in the WHOOP, there it is! spy agency, that's hidden underground. The main audience of Totally Spies are young adult males, despite the fact that it was originally intended for pre-teen girls.

TV series[edit]

After two seasons, 380 episodes, 15 years in television and 30 years in comics in Japan, Totally Spies was aired in the United States from August of 1999 to October of 1999. It appears on Cartoon Network between Cracked Out: Weird Animated Series and Title: The Subtitle. The show spans the globe and, by the end of the series, the outer rim of the Andromeda Galaxy. In Japan, the show is known as Dragonball Super Happy Fun Time Sunshine Smileyface. It has been nominated for 8 Emmys in sound editing and 2 People's Choice Awards in "Underlying Meaning". Sadly, it was beaten out by several other shows nobody's ever heard of, including a few shows that didn't deserve them.

Everybody says they made simcity, of course, it is a lie from jetix. when it was offecially (and inofficially) confirmed, that Will Wright made it, because it only sucks. if totally spies made it, it whould suck your balls.

Totally Spies has a movie coming out in July 2009. Yeah, it's that popular.

Counterpoint, by the Prissy Girl[edit]

AAAAAAAAA!!! I hate those "Totally Spies"! Just because they have their own show, that means they can be the queens of the high school? THAT DOG WON'T HUNT, MONTSIGNOR! I have just the plan to get rid of those "totally spies", tee hee hee!

The Story[edit]

Totally Spies is a totally hot cartoon that stars the hottest chicks on the planet. No questions asked. But hold it right there! Before you go: "Man what a loser this guy is!", read on.

The spies are on a mission to fight the whole world to defend all sorts of cool things (like video games, short skirts, sex, and plasma TVs) and to fight off the terrorist groups who strive to make said things uncool, and as always, the spies get OWNED every first encounter w/ the villain they meet, over ,and over, and over. Defending all these cool things will make all boys on the planet want to go out with them. YOU CAN GET THOSE BOYS!! I PUT ALL MY FAITH IN YOU!! YOU ROCK!! I LOVE YOUUU!!

Counterpoint, by the Prissy Girl[edit]

AAAAAAAAA!!! How did they find out that I was going to rig the prom election???!!! Oh, that's right, they're spies. DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! Well, when the prom comes around, they're going to have a little... "slip up"! tee hee hee!

The Spies[edit]

  • Samantha: "Assy Spy". Goes by the nickname "Sam". She is the smartest girl alive. She makes Sailor Mercury look like a brain dead hobo. Well, okay she's not that smart. Let's just say that if you're her waiter, you'll get the correct tip. Well, okay she's not that smart. Let's just say that she can recognize shapes and colors. Well, okay she's not that smart. Let's just say you wouldn't want her driving or operating heavy machinery. She looks like Daphne from Scooby-Doo.
  • Clover: Also known as "Shitty Spy". A snotty, greedy, bitch... just like guys like 'em. She's on her way to bea beauty school dropout loaded with credit card debt. She is also the biggest slut of the trio, going after anything guy or thing which has a penis to shove up her crab infested fanny!
  • Alex: Hey wait, isn't that a boy's name? Who cares, she's HOT anyways. Also known as "Fucky Spy". Guess which ethnicity she belongs to, and you win a prize. Alex is very Irish. No wait, so are Sam and Clover.
  • Britney: Also known as the "Kinky Spy". Is an amalgamation of all three hotness factors of the other three. Too bad she was only in two episodes.

No one knows her ethnicity too. She's an...Grey, yes, that's right.

  • Mandy: The "Spy that wasn't". She was a spy like once or twice, but won't be a permanent agent. She hates the spies, looks down on them, very bullyish, bitchy and a show-off. Rumor has it she has a secret crush with Sam.
  • Jerry: Not a spy but an old grey-haired British man, as the WOOHP leader who hires the spies into missions. According to the show's creators in Marathon, his full name is Jerry Lewis (not to be confused with the weird Kentuckistanian who married his cousin, or the official comedian of where's else? France).

Counterpoint, by the Prissy Girl[edit]

AAAAAAAAA!!! How did they know about the bear trap on the dance floor????!!! I can't stand Samantha, Clover, Alex, and whoever she is!! They're such perfect little bitches! Well, I know how to take care of their social lives, once and for all! tee hee hee!

A Mathematical Explanation[edit]

The hotness of these spies can be summed up into a few simple formulas:


which brings us to the entire equation:

Failed to parse (syntax error): {\displaystyle HotHighSchoolChicks + ProperPersonalities + "Fighting" + GirlyArmor + Spies ^3 = smokingHOT!!}

What am I thinking? I can't let these girls be associated with math! I'M SORRY GIRLS!! YOU'RE MY FRIENDS!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME I FUCKING HATE YOUUUUU!!!!

Counterpoint, by the Prissy Girl[edit]

AAAAAAAAA!!! How did they know that I replaced their shampoo with bleach??!?! I can't stand how they strut around with their proper personalities and their skin tight, shiny girly armor! I can't stand how all the boys love them and want to go on dates with them (see above)!!! But this time, they won't escape my predictable-high-school-dramatic-foil-plot! tee hee hee! Where's my sniper rifle?

The New Series[edit]

The second season of the show sent the spies into space for some stupid reason. Don't get me wrong! Totally Spies is always right, I'm just not sure how sending them into space really drives the storyline. Well, anyway, they have 100 episode-long battles with muscular aliens that shoot beams out of their arms. I dunno, maybe the show HAS gone downhill... Nah. I'M SORRY I DOUBTED YOU GIRLS!! KEEP ON TRUCKIN'!! YOU'RE JUST AS HOT AS EVAH!! SCREW YOUUUUUUU,BITCH!!!!!

The Prissy Girl Fell From The Clocktower After A Shootout With Police[edit]