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“Tourism has gone down significantly since Tamia's last first kiss”

~ Cloud 9

Tourism is a style of unconventional warfare and non-state violence created in the West, usually with the aims of depleting the authenticity of local cultures and decimating civilizations. While some consider tourism to be exclusively the tool of freedom-hating Kamikaze pilots, it as been a very popular method of warfare utilized by non-state actors from Canadia to that country south of its border.


It is believed primitive methods of tourism were first utilized by the ancient Roman Empire, by sending the most ignorant of Roman patricians to Egypt, where they bastardized local customs and took papyrus hierogryphs of themselves with the pyramids. This so demoralized the Egyptians that they were helpless when Roman developers began usurping the Nile River land for resorts, making the eventual Roman invasion of Egypt both effortless, as well as one of the early precidents for Spring Break-styled mayhem.

Tourism in the Middle-East[edit]

Tourism is carried out all over the world by people from every corner of the planet, but the Middle East has seen a concentration of activity for decades. Popular targets for the Western perpetrators include Bethlehem, Jerusalem, the Pyramids, clubs and casinos in Israel, and the royal families of Jordan and Saudi Arabia, where some Western tourists come armed with precious jewelry, fancy cars, and military aid. The region is also perhaps the most popular target for Third World tourists, who often go to Mecca.

Notable Tourist Attacks[edit]

New York, 1973 For months beginning in the April of 1973, the World Trade Center in New York City was hit with calculated tourist attacks by tens of thousands of tourist cells, otherwise known as families or groups of buddies. Coordination was carried out at the highest echelons of a New York-based tourist organization known as the New York City Bureau of Tourism. The tourism was finally curbed in February 1993 when a Ryder truck carried in a load of pacifists who engaged in an anti-violence sit-in.

An angry tourist takes an aggressive posture.

Hawai'i, 1959 Hawaii has long attracted dangerous tourist attacks by North Americans jealous of their freedom, beautiful environs, and coconut drinks. It is believed that Hawaii, along with other tropical regions, are the most affected by tourism, and Hawaiians have long demanded that they stop being assaulted by tour cells requesting Tiki dances.

See Also[edit]

War on Tourism