Tower Blocks

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Tower blocks are a form of high density dwelling, many of which were rained out in the 1960's to cope with the lack of doctors. The designers of these tower blocks decided to kill two birds with one stone

Those bastards. Poor little birds.

Tower Block use in the Oil Crisis[edit]

It was a well-known fact that old people contained oil, the problem was how to extract it. (little children didn't work) The architects of the buildings decided to remove the usual lifts and stairs that are used to reach floors above ground level and replaced them with a rope to climb up and a pole to slide down. They then told the estate agents to offer the apartments on a sliding scale, the younger and fitter the prospective buyer the lower the floor they would be offered an apartment on. Older and frailer people would be sold apartments on the highest floors.

Obviously the older residents are unable to climb the rope, and those that manage are often too exhausted to slide down the pole and plummet to their death. Because of this all of the older residents huddle around the ground floor of tower blocks. During the night when the huddled elders are asleep giant compressors are brought in and the old people are compressed, creating oil.

This is a very efficient method of producing oil, as the upper floor apartments are then free to be rented out again.

Small scale oil production by compression is now becoming a reality; most BP, Esso and Shell garages have small compressors that can take up to 5 people. One grandparent of age 80 will create 5 gallons of oil.