Toyota Starlet Glanza

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Toyota Starlet.


The Toyota Starlet Glanza Main Battle Tank in stealth mode

The Starlet Glanza is a main battle tank (MBT) manufactured by Turdota Military Vehicles. It is the primary battle tank of several countries, notably Hindustan, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Tokyo 3.

There are two production versions: the Glanza S, which has a vanity mirror in the sunshade, and the Glanza V, which does not.

The tank is named after General Creighton Glanza, who lead the armies of Tokyo 3 to victory over the rest of what was then Japan in 1987 in the little-heralded War of Schoolgirl Underwear Dispensers.


The Glanza is protected by a multilayered armor made of highly advanced materials. The armored shell is comprised of inner and outer layers, which will now be described with strung together words, which we call "sentences."

The outer layer of armor is composed of IPRS (Iridescent Purple Reinforced Steel). To make IPRS, steel is melted by means of electrocution; iridescent purple dye is then added to the metal. It is this process which gives the tank its astronomical properties of strength, hardness, toughness and purpleness. daryl was here The inner layer is formed by allowing jelly babies to dissolve in a vat of vodka. This creates a gelatinous, alcoholic jelly that is formed into the shape of the Glanza by a process known in the industry as 'cutting.' This layer makes the Glanza a very comfortable tank to ride in, and is one of the many reasons it is so popular with military types and service-sector losers.

A rumored under layer, which cannot be confirmed as of press time, is said to exist by women with too much makeup.

Superman vs. Glanza Armor[edit]

Superman once tried to punch through the armor of a Glanza. That was the beginning of the end of superman, not only did superman not even dent the awesome power of the Glanza but it broke his wrist and sent a spiral fracture up his arm down to his johnson...

Needless to say when all the villans realise the power of the Glanza they all decided to buy them and superman was left powerless to stop them, Fortunately for superman some countries like australia don't allow Glanza's to be imported which means superman can roam around the country turning invisible and sneaking into girls toilets..

a small team at have tried to build their own Glanzas but failed misirably


The primary weapon on the Starlet Glanza is the dump valve, which is a sonic weapon developed over the course of several years by scientists at Toyota. When triggered, the weapon emits sound waves at the exact frequency of resonance of that part of the brain which makes a man want to return home and watch reruns of Full House.

The dump valve was first used in the Hindustan-Reaver War of 2001. Glanzas using the dump valve caused a record numbers of soldiers to flee the field on both sides, proving both the efficacy of the weapon and the ease of deserting from either the Hindustan or Reaver Armies. Some say their hearts really weren't into the war, and they would be right.

The Glanza's secondary weapon is its air intake. Mounted in the front of the vehicle, this weapon sucks all air from the area surrounding the Glanza, making it impossible for humans or hamsters with enormous eyes to survive. In the Glanza S this intake is turbo-assisted by the vanity mirror, though observers are at a loss as to explain how.

Stealth Mode[edit]

When the Glanza encounters heavy resistance or needs to sneak behind enemy lines, it can engage stealth mode, in which it becomes an average-looking Korean woman with a tank/flower hat. There are no records of this mode succeeding in its efforts to protest the presence of US Forces in the Korean penninsula.


The Honda Life Step Van takes some getting used to

The Glanza is driven by a 1500hp, 3 cylinder, 33 valve, 2-stroke, engine with VWXYZT-i technology, the sixth generation of Toyota's variable valve rotaring and dizzing timing technology. There was a limited version of the Glanza, which Toyota's engineers struggled to find a name for, after almost 2 years in debate, they decided to name it... Glanza limited. The Glanza limited was equipped with the same engine, but this time they mounted a twin turbo that gave it an extra half of a horse power.

This immense power is transmitted to the tracks by means of a sequential gearbox, which starts at first gear and travels in sequence to second, then third, then finally fourth gear, at which point, the sequence repeats. The engine runs on a fuel of hope and dreams, a fuel only available directly from Toyota. Rivals, such as Honda, have had some success running vehicles on the power of dreams, however, they have as yet been unable to harness the power of hope as Toyota has.

The dual use of hopes and dreams gives the Glanza a competitive edge over the world's second most popular main battle tank; the Honda Life Step Van. The Glanza's top speed is 800mph on-road, 6mph off-road and 0 kph at sea (it sinks in water).

See Also[edit]