Tribes

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“Shazbot!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Starsiege Tribes

“Come Get Some!”

~ Oscar Wilde on n00bs

“I'm blu dah buh dee dah buh die! I'm blu dah buh dee dah buh die! I'm blu dah buh dee dah buh die! I'm blu dah buh dee dah buh die! I'm blu dah buh dee dah buh die! I'm blu dah buh dee dah buh die! I'm blu dah buh dee dah buh die! I'm blu dah buh dee dah buh die!”

~ Oscar Wilde on UltraMonkey

“In Soviet Russia, Tribes control YOU”

~ Russian Reversal on Tribes


Tribes[edit]

Tribes is a game created about the date 1,998,000,000,000,000,000,000,101 B.G.(Before Gates), yet still has the graphics of a 2000 BGE (Bill Gates Empire) game. There were many aspects to this game, It is just amazing how much you can do! Long enough for God to visualze how incredibly this game would be when released so they created noobs (Not goOd EnOugh TriBe Skillz) to play the so famed Tribes. Things are not going well with the noob population so they made it free instead of $1337.

Players[edit]

Originally the players were indians, in seperate Tribes, that fought eachother. This got the natives mad. You see, the creators used real indian tribe names, such as Cherokee, and Navajo. The players that were noobs were forced to join the Cherokee team.

The Cherokee's got pissed and threatened to indian burn the creators until they changed they player models into Robot-Like creatures.

And that is why you play as a cyborg. Also Beware of the Noobs That will curse you with there Ten year old "yo mama" remarks and may attempt to spam until they get what they want. This may cause burning of the eyes And/Or Rapid I.Q Decreasement. But in the year 200000007 Tribes came to a end,Tribe player stayed in war with each other and no one could get along so the game blowed up and Tribes as a game was gone...

Basic Weaponry[edit]

Blaster: Designed by eskimos, it was used to warm and tickle their feet.

Disc Launcher: AKA Frisbee Gun, shoots firey blue explosive disc, not good for catching.

Grenade Launcher: This gun was made because people were going insane from stretching their hand 8 yards from the WSAD keys to press G.

Mortar Gun: Originally "Mordor Gun", from LOTR. It shot rings that killed people instantly. After a barrage of lawsuits, the creators were forced to change the name, and change the ring into an explosive grenade.

Chaingun: The classic hand vibrator. Fires bullets so small you can't see them.

Laser Rifle: A gun with a seemingly endless supply of energy. It fires a beam that is larger than your fist into infinite space. The weaponry was stolen from Starwars in attempt to attract Space Nerds to play this pointless game.

Elf Gun: A long range taser! It takes a very short 2 minutes to kill your enemy. In this time they can capture your flag 3 times and still have enough life to get a slurpy down at 7-11.

Plasma Gun: Your standard flamethrower wanna-be.

Secondary Arsenal[edit]

Grenade: Looks like plastic, glows like a night light, and it slides for 20 seconds before it explodes, so instead of nailing your enemy, you hit 3 of your own team mates.

Mine: A massive triangular land mine. When you throw it, it will idle for 5-10 days then spin around and slowly sink into the ground. If you touch it at all in this process, it will explode up in your face and detonate all of your other mines all over the field.

Beacon: The ultimate doomsday device. Once deployed... It... sends a little laser into the air, to mark where you deployed it. Good for... nothing really.

Targeting Laser: Beacon in gun form. Ooohh, deadly.

Turrets[edit]

Plasma Turret: These thingies are only good for firing small blue "things" at people and getting in the way.

Rocket Turret: Fires a large seeking missile; It's pretty much useless for everything except for taking up space and missing.

ELF Turret: What the hell are these things, anyway?

Mortar Turret: A bigger version of the Mortar Gun. It went through the same problems as the Mortar Gun did.

Indoor Turret: These things are annoying as Hell. They kill absolutely anything that gets in their way, including their own team.

Deployable Turret: Not really certain what the hell these things are for, but apparently they're a stationary blaster. Scary, huh?

Laser Turret: Turrets that snipe you in 1 hit.

Backpacks[edit]

Sensor Backpack: A backpack that allows you to see things all around you on your radar. The downside is, it emits a light that is so bright, you might as well put a radar on your head, run around, and scream: "KILL ME! KILL ME!"

Sensor Jammer: It takes your enemies radar and smashes it into the ground, throws it into hot lava, licks it, and gives it back.

Repair Pack: Noobs mistake the repair pack as a weapon, and it healed the enemy instead of hurting him, resulting in "What the HELL YOU STUPID HAZKORZ!!!one1!!!1" spam.

Ammo Pack: Allows you to hold 151 bullets, rather than 150! What a deal!

Energy Pack: Upon using this pack, you are granted an extra 1/8th second of flight!

Useless Items[edit]

Flag: No one actually found out what this thing is for. Some new guy suggested we play something called CTF, but then people accused him of being a witch, and burned him. Since no one knows what the flag is for, they put in their bases as a decoration, but the enemy keeps taking the flags to be added to their base. That probably explains the bang-bang-bang sound when bringing the flag to their base. We usually just salute it and say the pledge of allegience.

Health Kit: After the "Repair Pack" incident, this was added to heal noobs, even though it only heals 10% of your health. Its fun to throw them in the air and shoot discs at them and see if it will hit

Mods[edit]

Annihilation: A mod with two modes: building and fighting. In terms of fighting, Annihilation has something for everyone. Optical Seeking launchers for n00bs, Nuke launchers for n00bs, Jailing Guns for n00bs, and the Particle Beam weapon for pros. Annihilation is currently owned by the coder Plasmatic, but don't try to send him an email, as he will NOT answer. There are many things to do in Annihilation Fighting:

  • You can put a wall in front of a laser turret, both of which get nuked along with yourself about 5 seconds later.
  • You can camp at the enemy's base launching nukes inside and hoping thet blow something up.
  • Launch OS missiles from your base, wait 10 days while it gets there, and miss someone by an inch.
  • Laugh at people who miss you with their OS missiles.
  • Lay down a bunch of neuro basher turrets and roflmfao as you watch people in angel armor go FLYING.
  • Get in Chamelion armor and stavb people on the other team in the back with your sniper rifle.

In the Building version of Annihilation, things are slightly more peaceful (unless you are on Fun House, basically the only stable building server). Players build their own bases out of the many objects available in Tribes, which then gets blown up by a n00b with a cutting laser. The builder then gets pissed off and gets kicked by n00bs who somehow got God Admin. The solution to this is to get admin yourself and participate in "admin building," making objects that cannot be destroyed. They then are told by other admins to make a "#challs2.dis," do so, get yelled at by the same admins that they made a mistake, and get banned from the server.

Base: The orignal mod thats built into Tribes which you can use it as a layout to create maps that lag so horribly that your local network crashed and get the "Blue Screen of Death". Very few people tamed Base to use it as their blueprint to create mods such as DAF. Very unstable mod, use at your own risk.

DeltaAirforce: A military mod thats created for several purpose: To simulate the real experience felt by both noobs and pros on the battlefield. In DAF, there are airplanes that is the 1904 version of The Kittyhawk Plane, that has the ablity to drop a variety of bombs and missiles that, when shot out, wipes out a single objective and can be shot down with a knife. People on MythCrackers discovered that the bombs and missiles were created back in the medievals where Knights and people on Tribes RPG roamed on south pole. Tanks are used in the mod also, with their useless ability to preform like the oldest known form of transportation: Horse-Drawn Carriages. This Mod poorly reflects the current view of military warfare, so beware as you go into the DAF server.

ModX: This is a builder Mod that uses the objects built into the tribes game for players to make things. Version 8.5 was released by E-DoG a few months back, however, KoD and De will soon be releasing 9.0 minus E-DoG's exploit. A side from the exploit shit, the mod has no equal to any other build mod like anni.. tons of stuff you can do here from "snowboarding" to original fight mode, but what is differnt here then the other mods are that you can actually design your base, homepage at http://www.clanmx.com/ or http://www.cmx.2ya.com/ "same thing differnt domains. ModX videos featured at google.com videos search CMX.2ya"

Paintball: Yes, you heard me: Tribes is not complete without Paintball! the Tribes version of paintball is poorly developed due to the disease called "HMers"(Happy Modders). They used common paintball weaponry and Paintnades: Tippman 98 is widely used as a sniper weapon with a extremely loud fire that exposes your spot to others. Autocockers (TIP: it is not a sexual device) is the next best weapon in the game, for it is a bit quieter and much more accurate, best used by Happymodders and Autoaim(Which makes you a N00b and a Dilweed). Now you are wondering what is Happymod. Happymod is a system widely used by crappy gamers to show off their gayness, these HappyModders will fight with Shame. Autoaim is a handicapped program that helps disabled paintballers aim because there Retarded and shoudlnt have this game! Yes, God created this design to attract more gay and retarded people. Tribes Paintball is, suprisely, the worst mod in Tribes due to Cheaters and hackers. The Paintball Plus version is even worse. Also if you become very good at Paintball mod Everyone will become gay. Also Paintball is the number 1 banned mod Because you may get HMers who suck off there Mom. THE END

Starwars: Yes! There is a Starwars mod on Tribes. The Models Look like some real starwars stuff But The Characters look Like there on drugs and deformed. The Vehicle models look perfect But 1 shot by a airsoft gun they Exsplode Everywere Take out half of your base and your Defence systems. Also The lightsaber on the game autoblocks every bullet and sends it back at you Once u hear that Deflect You can run but u cannot hide.

RPG: Tribes also has a RPG mod!!! You can finally reach the lvl no one has And then a hacker comes in and Bans everyone and makes his lvl to unlimited, jails the people he doesnt ban and goes on a killing spree sending out his army of hellish demons (bot/pet) to overwhelm you all. But if your lucky you can have up to 30 minutes without that happening.

Reality Bites: This is a Quasi reality based mod with jet packs designed by (Dead|Taco). Hes an average guy one of the best modders and scripters to grace Tribes. He hosts 2 Reality Bites servers. There are a few Items that relate to Real weapons. Cheating/hacking is not allowed if you do you will be Banned through your Provider(So you cant come back). You can duel there, Talk with TASHA the server and use a bunch of Magic there that you will learn. So i hope you like the 25 minute mission(s) of Hell.

Ultra Renegades: In this mod it is almost like Paintball "On Crack"~wcolor7. Most known to noobs, you can Walk straight out of yer base Shoot randomly With the Tricked out guns that shoot 100 bullets persecond and do 10000000 damage to u killing u instantly. It is not good to stay in one spot Cuase Ultra Noob comes and Spams his gun all over yer base takin out half of yer team. Still More to come on Tribes List of Pointless mods. Other than that it takes lot of skills to fly at 300 mph and kill and capture the flag at the same time. It looks easy but if you are playing an experienced player, you have no chance.

Life : Yes! You heard me, Tribes is getting too futursic so Braveskin, the 1227 coder, made a mod that simulates Life. What is Life exactly? Life mod makes you a citizen where you go find jobs in a middle of nowhere. You can weild guns and kill people, but you will be hunted by the angry mob of players you killed. (Note: Life dosn't have enough resorces to start a Police Force). Life mod is an ok mod for noobs, but as a warning: Sighting of Braveskin or EliteTerm will make you coward in fear and make you blind by the popularity. and Be careful of the Bandit InuYasha He Is crazy and will take down Braveskin with his admin powers and Term with his admin powers He is Too good He can have the whole police force and Mob of players against him and he will take them down

Servers[edit]

Fun House: Annihilation Building server run by idiots who give other idiots admin and proceed to ban everyone who is not an idiot from their idiot server. It's an anarchy full of stupid people... to say the least.

Fun House 2: Server that is hardly up and run by Freelancer. Often has some new bell or whistle that freelancer coded in to his builder.

--MX Home-- ModX's (builder mod) main server, up 24 hours a day 7 days a week.. Hosted by De.

Blue Sex: Plasmatic's Annihilation testing server that used to be fun but lost its charm.

www.pushbiscuit.com: Popular Annihilation Fighting server owned by the Pushbiscuit clan. For some reason, I can't find their website...

(tN) Paintball, Annihilation, Football, Mod Mgt: Many players are found on the (tN) Paintball server though they're attempting to expand through many different mods and currently have 7 servers.

Xmas Event Server: A Modx Builder server hosted by Clan NS 24/7 as a present to the building community on 2007.

Infamous Players[edit]

Lamadar: The leader of the infamous DAF clan called |ATS|. He has a reputation of being good at the game of "Come and pwn me!". Out of 146,432,233 noobs, no one has ever pwn3d Lamadar until EliteTerm of =|tN|= crashed his Apache into Lamadar when he were stingering ET. EliteTerm got punished and were sent to Observer mode for 5hours.

Ray: The grunt of |ATS|. His description is currently N/A because you need 1,337 clearances to declassify Ray's service record.

{|NS|}Pin_head^: One of the greats, and will truly be missed. An epic coder, hacker, player & builder. The mystery behind Pin Heads sudden disappearance from the internet will never truly be known, only rumors. Some say the secret services took him because he became one with the internet, and could control things beyond our comprehension. Some even believe that he can still be reach through email on [email protected] But is any of it true?

Dr. Spangle: Lamadar's coder and slave. He shows up on DAF once in a while to talk about codes and such. Really a 1337 coder type of a guy. If you see him, you must: 1. Greet him, 2. Bow to him, 3. Give him a loaded jet with 1 single Sidewinder missle so he can crash and bring down the server to spend hours figuring out why he crashed.

|HC| Jesus: Tribes's lord and savior. He was one of the orginal team to create DF, and coded DAF. He is very quiet and if you bother him, he will put you in Observer and mute you. He used to host "Happyland" server with voting banned. If you ever vote on his server, the system will kill you and you have to wait 17 days to be alive. Lamadar's trusty person.

David Adas: Crazy. Hates minorities. Plays for weeks at a time, with doritos and hate as his only form of sustenance.

Killawes:just a player that likes to have a lot of fun while playing...on facebook....its seem he like look like a pimp :D

(tN) HiTMaN: has bad teeth...and is in tN! britman.

(tN) XXXX: likes camping and wants to know the official (tN) website.

ArMaGeDoN: Inactive bitch, nuff said.

DeAdMaN Can be taken down with a cookie...

Rhuwan: One of the flag crappers out there, nowadays he doesn't go by that name anymore.

(tN) King Bear: King of Bears, But prefers Miller High Life, make him mad and he'll paw you.

EliteTerm: His known first name was called Scratch, but no one knows why his name is Scratch, but the most possible reason for the name is because his butt itches too much. Due to the media about his name, he was forced to change to Terminator, after watching the movies 132 times prior to the namechange. He has failed so many times in Tribes Paintball that he was often insulted at. He gained international fame after he shot one of the famous players in Paintball and he was honored to change his name to EliteTerminator. His skillz grew bigger than some of the world's smallest peanuts, and was famous for the 2005 Nade Wars, in which one of the players were so horribly naded that he had nightmares for more than a year. EliteTerm suddenly dropped off the face of the earth after the owners of Tribes, Chuck Norris, accidently butterfingered the game to a point that it was having complaints from players that their dick was not being accepted by the disc drive. Rumors has it, that EliteTerm is planning to take over Tribes, starting the 2nd Nade Wars.

{-o-} Plasmatic: A part man, part machine coder. It feeds on small babies. If you see this... thing, run.

(tN) Inuyasha: An okay player in Tribes, but annoying for the most part , also has started tribes again ready to get his Paintball skillz to own everyone again.

Got Milk : Village idiot of tribes that, clan-hops, badmouths, and is a freak.

$u!c!d3 :Fag now known as Nightmare.

Super-Cat : Yes. Tribes has its very own cat too! But beware, it has been known to scratch with Super-Claws.

Xan : A great coder that makes many different kinds of mods. Will NOT hesitate to kick your ass. Occasionally seen being nice to a pack of piranhas.

Braveskin: One of the youngest coders on Tribes. Known to make himself and other players cry down in defeat and beg for mercy by his awesome 1337 coding skills. Made 14 mods that make Emo/Noob population more depressed because its only built for Pros and hackorz.

Camper: Is gay. -Braveskin. Said Braveskin. Just kidding! He camps too much.

(tN) GundamZero : A wise Paintball player with great skills. Unfortunately he is scarred to life since the Nade War with EliteTerm.

(tN) Flathead : A great tower camper. Loves to snipe people out. (GZ takes him out on the wall whenever he can) Has excellent playing skills enough to be a top secret assassin, rumors had it that he assassinated the president of nL.

{-o-} jInZo : If you see him either run for the hills or feel his wrath.

(tN) Rocky Top :(Master Capper) Founder of tN A good player ... - One of the nicest people you will ever talk to if you give him protection money so the (tN) Mafia won't go on a rampage against your clans.

B!aZeN : also known as Gr3nad!eR, can only be described as "Tiger Of The Rear Guard." This is a title given to him by a old friend way back in the Base days. Loved bouncing boobs and still does.

(tN) Nova : "nuba"...or, "noba"...gets made fun of by thug because he USED to have an emo style to him..He cut his hair and is now absolutely gorgeous...He's also a good player, could use some more work on his aim but other then that, he holds up a good match. Latest nickname....crew cut emo[well, ex-crew cut emo. he's a babe, now.] Dont talk lot of emotional stuff...he might cut his wrist. Nova also likes to pump iron [12 kilo's a week, yeahhhh!!!] hahha.

Falco  : absolute worst there is, period. likes mcmuffins and long walks on top of his roof. If you lose a loved one....falco will find him/her. LAWL

[email protected]  : Likes to "take things up to his butt", most hated paintballer around (even more than suicide and any old schooler)

(tN) Eagle#1  : is a kick ass pigeon of prey.

Disarm  : A girl who has sex with men for cookies and during a full moon turns pedo. OMG! She also enjoys long walks with her pet tarantula named Betsy. She loves buttsecks....and hosts bible study every saturday....I am going there sometime along with my 12" industrial vibrator [sorry, i had too :P (nova)] :D, she also secretly and illegally enslaved Majestic

THuGaNoMiX  : *Jev*s competition leader. Loves trash talking and making fun. Has his own nub group...and wants to go to bible study @ disarms crib. (still disarm's bitch!!) wishes to bang Amanda Peachey but is too lazy to drive to Canada

Blaze  : A jew, and rumor says that he will pwn you in dominos...he died already...and hes back again.

JAFO  : A player on Reality Bites. Despite the fact that more restrictions for turrets and claymores are constantly being added, he still manages to tick people off. Average n00b score: 70%

Agron  : Quite possibly THE youngest coder on Tribes (14 years old), this guy has the annoying habit of trying to jam his overpowered bullsh*t into Xan's mods, despite the fact that Xan has some as well. Not too well known, but he's pretty damn annoying. Also known as Aeris.

Focus  : RPGmod player; This guy gets tossed in jail at least once a day by the REAL admins, then b*tches about it despite the fact that he just overkilled (3x kills in one day) three people. Needs to lay off the crack.

Foshizzle:another RPGmod Player, though i say myself this guy is like focus and bitches around killing innocent people who did'nt do anything. His also a Male that has had sex with women for money. foshizzle also has more then 3x kills a day. overall everyone finds him a fucking retard.

Xemnas: The crazy Paintballer who tried to run PbZ, but failed to change anything at all. Fair player and will not give up till you lose. He makes bad clan choices...until now that he finally realized that orange county is a sweet clan.

Majestic : Only good at two things, Tribes and being Disarm's sex slave. more on the sex slave part tho..

Goat Cheese : One of the most awesome players on Tribes; Only plays RB; 14 years old, and annoying as hell to get shot in the face by.

Fang : Has the worst aim, worst weapon choices, and lowest IQ on Tribes; If he were a weapon, he'd do less damage than a Targeting Laser.

Even More Infamous Clans[edit]

-[nL]- ....NoobLeague clan. Lead by [email protected] Clan sucks! nL faces hate from the community due to a hypocrite leader and a his bad management.

4|-Ever-|E ...New Clan That Will Own soon in about 15 years..if Tribes is still alive at that time. Owner = ArMaGeDoN

im2 Current best ranking clan in the tribes baseLT mod. Has horrible idea of naming a clan

exalt One of the good clans that was ever on the TWL, Ranked #1 for the longest time. No one knows what the name means, it baffled 1337 coders for centuries.

KlanKind: No one has seen any active movement by this clan, but somehow it has still its own servers running....?!

N00bSlayers: Clan Run by {|NS|}Pin_head^ and his crew (Co-leaders, EMs and Moderators) . A Fantastic clan now that grew beyond what everyone thought possible. But these players won't only over run you in numbers, they are also highly trained. The mystery behind {|NS|}Pin_head^s sudden disappearance from the internet will never truly be known, only rumors. Some say the secret services took him because he became one with the internet, and could control things beyond our comprehension. Some even believe that he can still be reach through email on [email protected] But is any of it true?

MX: A ModX-clan no, the ModX clan, yes, but since yankees are known to be an aggressive nation which have only two political parties plus US prefer dictatourism, it has tried to spread its action to other games/Tribes-mods. As an any typical yankeeclan, The MX members are known to believe anything what the MX-propaganda says, for example if it says "World is as flat as pizza" they will believe seriously that world would be as flat as pizzas. Considering they follow the MX-propoganda.

JDouGH: Shifter PWNERER oldschool cat best around Peach[clan] in paintball and Psi-Omega in the last tac tourny ever..


Zabi: This clan pwns!

(tN): A paintball-clan, has alot good members. Prefer using English as lingua franca and are helpful. rumor has it that its running in a Mafia style.

*Jev*: Brother clan to (tN), one of the oldest clans to date and also one of the good ones. Often many of it's members are friendly. Smells like fresh blueberries. Statistically the best clan in PB mod right now. A scrim record of 30 wins and 1 loss.

TG: A clan which members play mod Shifter TG, which is pretty good mod in the long run. This clan has alot good members who enforce strict language rules on their servers, providing a fucking safe enviroment for kids.

P:Elite: Small clan, doesnt come on often, but can play decently well...hates the clan -[nL]- leader since his defeat in a game of chess.

Why people play Tribes?[edit]

Well, no one knows. Maybe it is George W. Bush´s plan to make people enough stupid to vote republicans (USA only), if outside of USA, to move to USA and vote republicans. Or it might be these guys are just too addicted to it, or they get paid for it. No one really knows. However it is rumoured that Dark Energy, E-DoG, Mikko, EliteTerm, InuYasha, Terminator, Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Superman, CIA, MI5, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and MacGyver have formed a secret alliance which has in its plan to make people play Tribes. Tribes. Tribes. And Tribes. Only Tribes. Nothing else. We here at Uncyclopedia have got information about their step-by-step plan:

1) First we gonna pwn em

2) We install Tribes to their harddisks

3) Tribes only allowed game in the universe

4) We can control their gamesessions

5) To the pub! (Uncyclopedia does not offer beers to you, sorry)

Tribes´s future[edit]

We don´t know how long Tribes will be played, but the sure thing is that it has alot dead servers nowadays who no one plays but still someone maintains them as online... or when you saw someone playing on Nappy´s-servers? So, as summa summarum, it has a few players but not many and the abandoned servers are still running. Beware those! Those may eat you, your wife/husband, your bed, steal your credit card and begin to play World of Warcraft and Counter-Strike: Source, too.