Trident

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“I have absolutely nothing to say about fucking Trident.”

~ Simon Norfolk on Trident


The UK Trident programme is the United Kingdom's nuclear weapons programme. However Trident is also the name of a chewing gum manufacturer and a comic book publisher. No one would have guessed the connection, but they are actually part of the same organization. Their primary objective is world domination, as each seemingly separate organization is an essential component to their dastardly regime.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Trident.
The Trident logo

Comic books[edit]

It doesn't sound all that suspicious at first. However two words: subliminal messages. The extensive use of African labor in Brazil and the Caribbean by Trident for Comic Book purposes during the 16th and 17th centuries led British and other European tridentists to do the same in North America, where Native American and indentured servant populations were insufficient to meet the demands for comic book labor.


Most Africans brought to North America were used to produce the export new comic book ideas (Tobaccoman, Lex Ricetor, Indigay, and Cottonballs) that became a major source of subliminal comics for European nations and their colonies.


Sadly, the English Tradientees of North America turned to black slavery to solve their Comic Book ideas shortage. Spain forcibly brought at least 100,000 Africans to Mexico during the 16th century, although England did not engage extensively in the slave trade until ... Showed first 120 words of 983 Size (words) ...

All this does is allow the next phase of the plan to slot into place...

Chewing gum[edit]

Trident are also a popular brand of chewing gum with a prominent position in the global market. Not only does this provide a source of income for them, but also allows for other intentions. If Trident gum is part of a regime to take over the world, then surely that means they have to be putting drugs in their gum to brainwash humans.

Wrong! Wouldn't that be a bit too obvious? Their actual plan was to stack shelves so high with packets of Trident gum, that they collapsed and killed many people. Many journalists then rushed onto the scene and take pictures of the mangled bodies. In the absence of the press, Trident were able to sign the agreement with the prime minister of the UK for the next stage in their evil plan. (The advantage is that no one would have thought of that.)

Nuclear missiles[edit]

Now it's really starting to sound suspicious. Recently the UK has made its decision to buy more nuclear missiles, (because the old ones went past their sell-by date) instead of investing the money to fight global warming, which is obviously the more worthy cause. The reason is that corruption of major politicians has allowed trident to put their nuclear missiles right where they want them. This will set up the final stage final stage of their dastardly plan. No one knows what will happen, but there will probably be lots of nuclear explosions. I told you they were evil.

The penultimate phase in their regime - that's gonna make a big splash when it comes down.

Conclusion[edit]

It all figures - just because the UK government say they need nuclear missiles, that doesn't mean they're not just spouting a whole load of bullshit. I mean, no one has used nuclear weapons since 1945. Who would have thought that Trident Gum and Trident Comics had anything to do with it? The only thing that can be said is that it has already gone to far for us to stop it. The only thing we can do is build an ark with two of every animal and fly it to Mars.

Other plans[edit]

Of course there was always the possibility that there was more going on behind the facade other than nuclear missiles, chewing gum and comic books. It has recently been found out that trident is also a sports car company, a graphics chip manufacturer, a unit of the London Metropolitan police dealing with gun crime in London's black community and a mountain in South Georgia. Fuck it, we're all doomed.