Trish Stratus

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Trish (in her role as Wonder Whore)
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Trish Stratus.

Trish Stratus is a former professional wrestling woman that has a fat ass valet and the current Miss World and Prime Minister of the United Federation of the Dominion of Canadian Territories. You know..the country with lots of hot blonde women, and women who can sing pretty much till they blow their faces off. Celine Dion, anyone??.

She is also the younger sister of washed up porno star, Pamela Anderson. Trish and Pamela, however, are not on current speaking terms. It is speculated that Trish is a tiny bit bitter as well as jealous of Pam's superior boob-job. Stratus is also the half sister of Jessica Simpson and the illegitimate daughter of Bo Derek.

Way to being a hooooooo[edit]

Trish was first 'discovered' in a local gym studying for her medical exams. Trish dreamt of being an whore in holloywood but, always felt that dream was unattainable due to her two sisters, Pamela and Jessica, always trying to overshadow Trish in everything she tried to accomplish as an individual. Trish, having no strong desire to be a 'star' or have a long career in show business, decided to follow in her sisters' footsteps, in an attempt at revenge for dashing her dreams of a huge cock! And of course, Trish's most cherished dream of 'Lunar camp fire song and dance" get-together with those "cute little moon people!" (those bitchy fucking bitches fo' sisters!)

Before going mainstream, Trish took on the role of Wonder Whore (not to be confused with her more attractive sister Wonder Woman) the show was unsuccessful, only lasting 800 episodes, over 30 seasons, 18 spin-off shows and with 500 million DVDs sold around the universe. Snobby Critics panned the show by saying “It’s the only day time show that every guy masturbates to……..who in there right mind masturbates?!” Although some praise has been given to it by horny, teenage fans, some have even gone to say “Just jerk off to it you Wanker” A new film adaptation of Wonder Whore is in the works, with Maria Kanellis taking on the role. The outfit for the new film is said to be even more small and skimpy, to the delight of many horny, cum smelling fans.

After successfuly launching herself into Pro modeling. Trish decided that posing for greased up magazine covers, in skimpy ass bikinis no less...was way too easy. Besides, she couldn't eat her favorite dish....greasy burgers. So, after shooting what was her 2,356,788,000th photo shoot with Muscle Mag: for Gay guys who act straight, magazine (and gaining 20 pounds from several visits to McDonalds)...Trish handed in her resignation and decided to sign a contract with Vince McMahon!

She also fucked him so she could get promotions and win titles by cheating as 4 all u fanz TRISH IZ A HOOO AND DESERVES 2 DIE!

After several years in WWE, and several more face lifts, boob jobs, getting her vagina rubbed and tummy tucks, Trish decided that life on the road, going from town to town, flying first class, stying in 5 star resort Bahamas beach front hotels, posing for glamorous magazine covers and being crowned champion...well it just couldn't compare to being at her ugly, dysfunctional and retarded nephews BORING hockey games!!! Not to mention the little fact that she had pulled a miss Janet Jackson, and was secretly marrying some random ugly Canadian guy with a beer romantic!

Well let's just say.... poor Trish had her sisters all in a tizzy!

Her mother, Bo...a washed up former ugly queen herself, had recently begun binge drinking when she found out her only "normal child" had "gotten knocked up" by some nobody from Tim Bits, Ontario...while Trish's older sister, Pam, was busy playing phone tag with her former "evil younger self" (they had reconciled the year before when Pam GRACIOUSLY attended Trish's horrible attempt at "hosting" an 'awards show') trying to convince Trish to "not make the same mistake as, you know, I, you know, Did! Trishy-Pooooo!!!" And Jessica, just herself getting out of a nasty little relationship with an out of the closet gay man, was, as usual, staring into space, pretending like she cared!

Trishs mother was so proud, Bo Derek cried! (She also gave up the booze, in favor of prescription drugs. "It's better for the figure, you know!".

Current Life[edit]

Trish now lives somewhere in her Soviet Canuckistan's capital, doing official 'prime minister duties' like eating cup cakes and drinking maple syrup. Too bad her drunk ass is sometimes throwing up in her "yoga studio". To the distress of people wanking worldwide, Trish has had her boob implants removed, as they were causing her to fall over while trying to fart (demonstrated to the right). In accordance with her new smaller boobs, talks are being held about giving her a less powerful position in life, as nobody really wants to see her anymore. Trish is living in Kansas City M.O. With her girlfriend and they areexpecting there first child together in January. Her Girlfriend already has 2 children from another relationship.