Troy King

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Troy Robin King (born August 22, 1968) is the 45th Attorney General of the U.S. State of Alabama. He is known nationally for his public condemnation of homosexuality, collection of ancient Greek portrait sculpture, fervent opposition to gambling, staunch support of the death penalty, and lower back tattoos, and has been recognized for his work protecting, and sexual fetishism of, "the people who are most vulnerable—our children and our elderly."


Early life and education[edit]

Troy King was born in on August 22, 1968 in Elba, Alabama to a realtor and her brother. His mother has claimed that at the age of 2, his political aspirations were kindled when he caught her masturbating and wished to do all within his power to prevent anyone from ever performing such a regrettable action. In elementary school, he garnered much notoriety in Elba for eradicating the school's sole methamphetamine syndicate; his opposition to the drug has been adamant to this day. In high school, he made local news yet again when for two months straight he refused to attend his history class in protest of International Youth Year, on the grounds that the Centre for Social Development and Humanitarian Affairs was, he said, a pro-choice organization.

His undergraduate years at Troy University were comparatively uneventful, although it was noted by several local restaurant employees and members of the university faculty and staff that after every home football game, he and a group of like-minded fellow students would gather outside a popular joint on the outskirts of campus and in various ways protest the university's team name, the Trojans, a name he and his fellows found despicable in its evocation of Trojan whose manufacture of prophylactics, King and his fellows claimed, spread "moral degradation faster even than intercourse which now is tainted by the abominable things," but in University of Alabama Law School, he once again made local news with his public statements against the vices of homosexuality and governmental moral laxity and his widely alleged but ultimately unproven involvement in a series of violent episodes that occurred at a local bar, the Chukker, over the course of which several of the Chukker's windows were repeatedly broken and during which time he was frequently seen by his classmates to show various signs of physical trauma and apparent discomfort in sitting down. It was around this time that his cryptic nickname "Two-bit Troy" first began to appear in restroom stalls on and off campus, usually accompanied by a phone number.

Assistant Attorney General[edit]

During his tenure as Assistant Attorney General of Alabama from 1999 to his appointment to the Attorneyship General in 2004, King proved an invaluable asset to the state justice department in several ways, notably his insights into intrastate distribution of the works of Walt Whitman and Tenessee Williams, help in orchestrating a series of stings on farmer's markets at which illegally-bred produce, mostly cucumbers and squash, were being sold, and vast research on the popularity of Gregg Araki movies among preschoolers, insightful in its focus on "the development of citizens during their most volatile years."

Attorney General[edit]

As Attorney General of Alabama, King has--