Tumbleberry

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Retired Tumbleberry Wynonna Judd.

Tumbleberry is an often lamented but well known urban street basketball slang term given to a specific build of basketball player, who despite his chicken nugget stature, is capable of game changing antics and even feats of semi-athleticism. Not to be confused with regular old fat people, rather, a true Tumbleberry is a sawed-off, chunky version of the alpha male.

Qualification[edit]

According to Webster's Street Dictionary, to be eligible for Tumbleberry status, a person must possess the following qualities:

  • Under the Height of 5 foot 9
  • Looks like He could eat a lot of Hot Dogs
  • Slow as Molasses (note: conventional Tumbleberrys are actually slower than Molasses)
  • The harder he tries the funnier he looks
  • Tries really hard

Origin and Mainstream Recognition[edit]

Chinese Tumbleberry Wong Go-Chu aka "The Michelin Man".

On an episode of VH1's Behind the Music, Allen Iverson stated that the first Tumbleberry was none other than his half-brother and Street Basketball Legend Frank Iverson. Frank Iverson of course was an ideal Tumbleberry, standing 2 inches shorter than Allen while possessing twice his body weight. The story goes that one summer afternoon at the local pickup courts, Frank Iverson once made 14 three pointers in a row, winning 5 consecutive games for his team. All the while, the pockets of his corduroys were filled to the brim with purple berries picked from behind his house (Chunky people need constant dietary supplements such as berries and double cheeseburgers). Supposedly, after the 14th three point basket, Frank accidentally tripped over one of his stubby tricerotop legs, falling to the ground unleashing a tumbling berry nightmare on the local blacktop. As people fled for safety, countless pairs of fresh nike air jordans were ruined, leading one homeless dude to yell out famously, "I'm gonna kill that Tumbling Berry Mother Fucker!" The name immediately stuck, however due to the incoherency of the homeless man, most people simply called Iverson "Tumbleberry", and the legend was born.

Within 10 years there was a local "Tumbleberry" balling it up at every street court from Rucker Park to Central Park to Yellowstone National Park. The Handle became a household name when famous Tumbleberry Khalid El-Amin won the 1999 NCAA Championship for the University of Connectthedots Huskies, defeating the Duke University World of Warcrafts by 3 berrylicious points. It was at this point that "Tumbleberry" began to have a positive connotation. Instead of a sneaker-staining travesty, people began to think of tumbleberrys as almost-skinny, shorter guys who might not fuck everything up.

Famous Tumbleberrys[edit]

  • Frank Iverson
  • Khalid El-Amin
  • Sidney Lowe
  • Jamie Matheny
  • Danny Devito
  • Wynonna Judd 1964-1983 (Before she started eating small children. See: How to Become fat)