“In Soviet Russia You shame TurboDymoMan”
“TurboDymoMan has gone out!”
TurboDymoMan (English translation is TurboBangMan) is a retired superhero of 21st century who worked in forgotten Poland from August 2009 to January 2010. He was actually the only Polish superhero at the time but due to low crime rate in Poland (most criminals emmigrated to United Kingdom) he became terribly bored and decided to be a TV commercial star of 36and6 cellular network. Those commercials became a hit from one side but also started a public debate over an embarrassing level of commercials in Poland but it died quickly because teenagers were delighted of a superhero in fantastic costume who possess unbelieveable ability.
TurboDymoMan had only one ability which gave him the... ability of doing everything 50%... more (or better). This resulted in only one thing - TurboDymoMan could do anything 50% better than anybody. Therefore he could swim 50% faster than a dolphin, fly 50% faster than Superman, kick 50% harder than Cristiano Ronaldo etc. However it also resulted in things and actions that not everyone would want to have more. It literally means 50% more. Several of his achievements were shown in already mentioned commercials.
On the commercials, that are shown below, TurboDymoMan shames hen, Betty, brush and beaver in order. Unfortunately there are no English versions but there is no need to say anythng, just look at it. However, wee need to put a disclaimer here that hearing Polish language may actually kill you.
List of TDM's Achievements
First several are official. The other are alleged.
- Betty looked at 10th floor. TurboDymoMan shamed Betty, looked at 15th.
- Hen pecked up 100 seeds. TurboDymoMan shamed hen, pecked up 150 seeds.
- Brush was put in water for an hour. TurboDymoMan shamed brush, was put in water for one and half an hour.
- Beaver knew 1000 beats. TurboDymoMan shamed beaver, knew 1500.
- Goal was scored in 10th minute. TurboDymoMan shamed goal, was scored in 15th minute.
- Beaver counted to 1000. TurboDymoMan shamed beaver, counted to 1500.
- Hardcore guy got 4 certificates in his home. TurboDymoMan shamed Hardcore Guy, got 6 certificates.
- TurboDymoMan gives 50% minutes more for 36and6 cellular network users. TurboDymoMan shamed himself, gives 75%.
- Usain Bolt ran 100 meters in 9,58 sec. TurboDymoMan shamed Usain, ran that distance in 14,37 sec.
- LeBron James scored for three. TurboDymoMan shamed LeBron, scored for 4,5.
- Cricket player scored a six. TurboDymoMan shamed cricket player, scored a nine.
- Ron Moss played in 5000th episode of Bold and Beautiful. TurboDymoMan shamed Ron Moss, played in 7500th episode.
- Chuck Norris counted to the infinity 2 times. TurboDymoMan shamed Chuck Norris, counted 3 times.
- Robert Mugabe had 98% of votes in Zimbabwean election. TurboDymoMan shamed Robert Mugabe, had 147% of votes in Zimbabwean election.
- Simon Mol inflicted 16 Polish women with HIV. TurboDymoMan shamed Simon, inflicted 24.
- Have you got 3 sons? TurboDymoMan shames you, got 4,5 of son.
- Men got 1 penis. TurboDymoMan shames men, got 1,5 of penis.
- Have you got 100'000$ debt? TurboDymoMan shames you, got 150'000$ debt.
- SuperEs is infinity better. TurboDymoMan still shames him, he's 1,5 infinity better.
- You have brain. TurboDymoMan shames you, he have 1,5 of brain.
- Irina from Bulgaria attended to 120 men per hour. TubroDymoMan shamed Irina, attended to 180 per hour!!!
- Blonde girl got 0 in IQ Test. TurboDymoMan gave up.
- Adolf Hitler killed one million people. Thank god TDM didn't learn history
“TurboDymoMan... breaks the barriers... breaks the rules...”
But one day, TurboDymoMan, who was tired of using the same ability over and over, invented new ability. From that time He doesn't need to. This way he didn't have to be tired and he still was able to achieve new feats. Some of them were shown in commercials and other are simply alleged. He expressed not needing to do by showing middle finger using small finger instead...
Examples of new ability
On the commercials below, TurboDymoMan shows the middle finger using his small finger instead.
- Policeman needs to stay on guard. TurboDymoMan doesn't need to.
- British guardsman needs to stay without moving. TurboDymoMan doesn't need to.
- Stańczyk needs to wear weird clothes. TurboDymoMan doesn't need to.
- Dragon needs to eat virgins. TurboDymoMan doesn't need to EAT virgins.
- Sandwich needs to fall upside down. TurboDymoMan doesn't need to.
- You need to breathe. TurboDymoMan doesn't need to.
- Corpse don't need to do anything. TurboDymoMan gave up.
TurboDymoMan was so popular at some time that somebody decided to destroy him. It was SuperEs - a new superhero invented by 36and6 cellular network. He slapped door in TurboDymoMan's face and claimed his victory over him. From that time SuperEs is officially the only active Polish superhero. TurboDymoMan retired and disappeared.
Retirement was shown in commercial
Yes, that's true. In this commercial TurboDymoMan is allegedly killed by SuperEs. But we all know that TurboDymoMan survived, like Elvis