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King Seamus the Turd making away with the spoils after slaying Ronald Reagan.

King Seamus the Turd (1313-1331), commonly known simply as 'Turd', was a king of Ireland in the Middle Ages.

mr turd was agood one until he fell in a toilet and said crap so he got a 404 and he killed himself


In 1321, Turd's father died of the Blight, and Seamus the Turd became King of all of the Irelands, even t'at one over t'ere. His first official act was to ban Britain, this was widely seen as both economically necessary and fun.

In 1331, Turd faced the most difficult challenge of his reign. It looked like it was going to overcome him, and ultimately it did. Because it killed him.

The Challenge and Turd's Legacy[edit]

The challenge that faced Turd was an epidemic of the Blight, an ailment that causes Irishmen to become too full of food and ultimately turn into potatoes. Turd's response to this challenge was brilliant. Using his 31337 gene-splicing skillz he gave Irishmen the ability to shit, an ability that had long been taken for granted in Mainland Europe and Birmingham.

Selflessly, Turd tried out this new therapy on himself first, at first it seemed to work perfectly and the cure was passed on to the population at large. However within 24 hours Turd's body rejected the cure and he shit himself to death. In honour of Turd's sacrifice, parts of the world to this day still refer to human solid waste as 'turd' or poo or dumper.

The Turdish Uprising and the Founding of Turdistan[edit]

So legendary was Turd in his time that subsequent King Seamuses giant cock could not live up to his image and thoroughly pissed off a large portion of the population. Proclaiming loyalty to Turdish ideals, several thousand people gave the finger to whatever Seamus was on the throne at the time and sailed east where they established a new nation known as Turdistan. Turdistan existed as an independent nation for over five-hundred years before being merged into the Union of Seriously Dumbass Republics conglomerate in a hostile takeover bid.

The Invasion of Our Swimming Pools[edit]

The Turd's Legacy lives on today in spirit, whenever someone shits in a pool, it is said that "The Turds are invading". Babies carry the turds in their systems as a disease, and release them into their natural habitat, the pool.

The rise of "Peter the Turd"[edit]

little is known of Peter the turds victory in the 1400's but study found that skid marks in the pants of Peter, acted as a atomic fart able to blast its radius up to 300 miles, it is also believed this is the threat japan faced in WW2. from this date there has only been one sucseeded atempt at a turd blast, which was the result of the "big bang" theory. peters research in the turds made him a god among people. he even possesed the power to cure cancer by others offering there unpure turds to him.late in the 1450's, "peter the turd" died due to the amount of cancer he cured. a monument of his turd was placed in his name which is now frozen over as the north pole.

Famous Turds[edit]