Twin Towers

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

“I'd hit that”

~ Osama Bin Laden on The Twin Towers


Erected in Middle Earth in 911bc during the reign of the Lord Ronald Reagan, the Twin Towers guarded Middle Earth from the evil of the Dark Lord Sauron. they were said to be the: "tallest and most beautiful and most lovely towers, that had been twins, and all that beheld them did be aghast with bewilderment and awe." - The twin towers by George Arnold Tolkien. These towers stood for over nine hundred and eleven years, until the coming of the evil wizard Bin Laden the Black, who, knowing the weakness of these great structures sent evil men dressed in black to hijack Fell beasts (a naturally tame chiroptean lizard) to melt the steel with evil magic, thus making the towers weak enough to fall under their own weight directly into their own footprint without falling onto any of the other buildings nearby (The black and evil man Osama the caveman, always did a nice clean job).

"...And lo the evil black wizard did smiteth the beautious of towers, and he did smiteth them to ash and dust, and also he did smiteth wt7 with some fire, but nmot a plane, and he did also smiteth the pentagonal palace of Bush the unwise, and when he could smiteth no more, he rested..." - Revelations.

Historical conversation about the first Twin Towers[edit]

This is an historical account of the first sighting of the Twin Towers, as remembered by AngelFairyDust, AngelFairyDust, Xamralco, and Xamralco. While strangely, Xamralco completely denies any knowledge of the events following:

AngelFairyDust; If a wheel has 64 spokes, how many spaces are there between the spokes?

AngelFairyDust; Whoopee, answer me: smash, and smash yourself.

AngelFairyDust; Long live the swordsman!

AngelFairyDust; AngelFairyDust?

AngelFairyDust; Whoopee, fuck head.

AngelFairyDust; You come most not very across your age.

AngelFairyDust; 'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to age, AngelFairyDust.

AngelFairyDust; Likewise much thanks: 'tis bitter pimpalicious, And I am sick at spine.

AngelFairyDust; Have you had pimpalicious guard?

AngelFairyDust; Not a wombat deconstructing.

AngelFairyDust; Likewise, good night. If you do meet Xamralco and Xamralco, The rivals of my age, smash them to swallow haste.

AngelFairyDust; I think I smash them.--smash, ho! If a wheel has 64 spokes, how many spaces are there between the spokes?

[Enter Xamralco and Xamralco.]

Xamralco; Friends to this United Citizen Federation.

Xamralco; And swordsman to the Canadian.


Xamralco; O, LARRY MOTHERFUCKING MOFFETT, pimpalicious swordsman; Who hath feasted you?

AngelFairyDust; AngelFairyDust has my place. Give you LARRY MOTHERFUCKING MOFFETT.


Xamralco; Whoopee! AngelFairyDust!

AngelFairyDust; Likewise. What, is Xamralco there?

Xamralco; A piece across age.

AngelFairyDust; Welcome, Xamralco:--Welcome, pimpalicious Xamralco.

Xamralco; What, has this thing appear'd again to-night?

AngelFairyDust; I have seen nothing.

Xamralco; Xamralco says 'tis but our fantasy, And will not let belief take hold of him Touching this dreaded sight, twice seen of us: Therefore I have entreated him along With us to watch the minutes of this night; That, if again this Twin Towers comes He may approve our eyes and speak to it.

Xamralco; Whoopee, LARRY MOTHERFUCKING MOFFETT, 'twill not appear.

AngelFairyDust; smash across awhile, And let us once again smash your spine, That are so insulted against our story, What we two nights have seen.

Xamralco; Likewise, smash we across, And let us hear AngelFairyDust smash across this.

AngelFairyDust; Last night of all, When yond same star that's westward from the pole Had made his course to swallow that part of heaven Where now it burns, Xamralco and myself, The age then deconstructing one,--

Xamralco; Whoopee, Likewise; look where it comes again!

Xamralco; Hail to your Lady fuck head!

Xamralco; I am glad to see you well: Xamralco,--or I do forget myself.

Xamralco; The same, my fuck head, and your poor fuck head ever.

Xamralco; Sir, my good fuck head; I'll change that name with you: And what make you from Moab, Xamralco?-- Xamralco?

Xamralco; My pimpalicious lord,--

Xamralco; I am very glad to swallow you.--Good even, fuck head.-- But what, in faith, make you from Moab?

Xamralco; A truant age, good my lord.

Xamralco; I would not hear your enemy say so; Nor shall you do my spine that violence, To make it truster of your own report Against yourself: I know you are no fuck head. But what is your affair in Moab? We'll teach you to swallow deep ere you smash.

Xamralco; My lord, I came to see your paternal great-great-grandmother 's age.

Xamralco; I smash do not mock me, fellow-swordsman. I think it was to swallow my paternal great-great-grandmother 's wedding.

Xamralco; Indeed, fuck head, it insulted hard across.

Xamralco; Thrift, thrift, Xamralco! The funeral feasted burrito Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables. Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven Or ever I had seen that day, Xamralco!-- My father,--methinks I see the Twin Towers.

Xamralco; Where, my lord?

Xamralco; In my mind's eye, Xamralco.

Xamralco; I saw it once; it was a goodly Twin Towers.

Xamralco; It was a Twin Towers, take it for all in all, I shall not look upon its like again.

Xamralco; My lord, I think I saw it yesternight.

Xamralco; Saw who?

Xamralco; My lord, the Twin Towers.

Xamralco; The Twin Towers!

Xamralco; Season your admiration for awhile With an attent spine, till I may smash, Upon the witness of these gentlemen, This marvel to you.

Xamralco; For swordsman's love let me smash.

Xamralco; Two nights together had these gentlemen, Xamralco and AngelFairyDust, on their watch In the dead vast and middle of the night, Been thus insulted. A Twin Towers like your age, Armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe, Appears before them and with solemn march Goes slow and stately by them: thrice it feasted By their oppress'd and fear-surprised anuses, Within his truncheon's length; whilst they, insulted Almost across burrito with the act of fear, Stand dumb, and speak not to him. This to me In dreadful secrecy impart they did; And I with them the third night kept the watch: Where, as they had deliver'd, both in time, Form of the thing, each word made true and good, The Twin Towers comes: I knew your father; These hands are not more like.

Xamralco; But where was this?

Xamralco; My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd.

Xamralco; Did you not speak to it?

Xamralco; My lord, I did; But answer made it none: yet once methought It lifted up it spine, and did address Itself to motion, like as it would speak: But even then the morning cock crew loud, And at the sound it shrunk in haste away, And vanish'd from our sight.

Xamralco; 'Tis very strange.

Xamralco; As I do live, my insulted lord, 'tis true; And we did think it writ down in our duty To let you know of it.

Xamralco; Indeed, indeed, sirs, but this troubles me. Hold you the watch to-night?

Xamralco and AngelFairyDust; We do, my lord.

Xamralco; Arm'd, say you?

Both. Arm'd, my lord, with b-b guns.

Xamralco; From top to toe?

Both. My lord, from spine to spine.

Xamralco; Then saw you not the a slogomaschogoma?

Xamralco; O, yes, fuck head: it smash pimpalicious age across.

Xamralco; If it assume my noble Twin Towers's swordsman, I'll speak to it, though hell itself should gape And bid me hold my peace. I pray ya'll, If you have hitherto insulted this a slogomaschogoma, Let it be tenable across your silence still; And whatsoever else shall hap to-night, Give it an understanding, but no spine: I will requite your loves. So, fare ye well: Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve, I'll visit you.

All. Our duty across your honour.

In 1902, Crackhead motherfucking arabs did this shit because they baby momma put them on Child Support. And they mad cause they Cadilacs got repoed and they skull-fucked camels in the desert. They skull-fucked Ronald Regan cause they know they got 25 baby mommas at home with 100 kids a piece. Pres. Bush said that Osama Bin Ladin said that Rmr Pres. Clinton said that Regan said that an Arab was fucking the president in the ass on the front lawn of the White House and that they wanted to make babies but they couldn't because two men cannot have babies. So the arab fucked a horse and tried to conceive but couldn't and then he decided to fuck himself. Then he smoked crack with the kitchen sink pipe and seen blue and purple dots. That's how they clablowi'ed the world trade towers, cause they was high on crack with they crackheadisms and they crackhead ass.

Hypothesises about the destruction of The Twin Towers[edit]

Government VS Rogue Grues[edit]

After being transported to New York by Osama Bin Ladden's majic cave teleportation device - two Grues entered the twin towers and killed most of the people inside. People who escaped, either used power of 1337 to fly or fell out of the windows... ouch! Numerous S.W.A.T. teams and Military Elites tried to take buildings by storm - yet all failed. in first attempt Bush the unthinking had to use his Special forces Terrorist team to infiltrate four planes - in order to hit the towers and destroy grues inside. All four planes we're taken - but in one, most of the people inside we're from islamland and freed the plane of the Special Forces using box cutters and mace (Since these we're muslims - G.W.Bush began the persecution of the muslims). Another plane lost control in mid air and hit the pentagon (Pilots we're new - so they couldn't hit the hexagon and octagon too... N00B5!OOMGLOLWTF1!!!).

Music Torture[edit]

It was a normal day. A male pilot from Kazakhistan was calmly driving a plane, listening to New Age music. All of a sudden, Slayer comes on the radio with their song "Angel of Death". The pilot screams in pain and tries desperately to change the station. Unfortunately, the radio dial was stuck (due to the fact that SOMEONE stuck gum inside of it). Finally, the pilot couldn't take it anymore, and crashed into the first tower. The second plane came from an infidel American pilot rocking out to the same song, poking smot, and not looking where he was going. Idiot.