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“i tlk liek dis k lol”

~ Oscar Wilde on Txt tlk

The txt is the preferred form of communication for the super-cool, because with the time saved from omitting non-essential letters from the alphabet - often all of them - the streetwise coolster can on average vomit five to six more times per night at parties, and shave his friends' eyebrows off with 7% more wit and comedic timing.

Txting (the act of sending a txt) was invented in 1997 by bored teenagers who had to give their thumbs something to do so they didn't inadvertently create attractive clay thumb-pots and find themselves the laughing stock of all their shirkaday friends.

One composes a txt by placing one's thumbs on the handset of the newest, most desirable phone they own (you should have a choice of at least forty phones - if not, read up on becoming cool and come back later). If you have a super-cool phone (rating Pimped Out or Dag, Yo on the MTV coolness scale) then you may need to use a magnifying glass to locate the buttons. Don't worry though. If you miss, the worst you can do is end up touching some of the cash and ho's you have lying around your living room.

Once you have both thumbs on the handset, start pressing buttons randomly. Predicative Txt will guess what you meant to type with 98-105% accuracy, according to a recent survey by the French Foreign Legion.

And you're pretty much set! Before hitting 'snd txt', though, you may want to nick a car or possibly a small train so you have enough money to receive your m8z' dazzlingly witty replies. Peace out.

You know you've been txting too often when...[edit]

  1. During sex, you exclaim: "omg, u best!"
  2. You actually sart sayin 'lol' while conversing with your peers face to face "haha lawl man..."