From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
(Redirected from Type)
Jump to: navigation, search

Please note that you must be one or all of the following if you decide that you need to read this article. CONSIDER CAREFULLY WHETHER YOU WANT TO BE LABELLED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

Typing is a very simple process, which allows you to quickly and accurately write something down on a personal computer machine. It is used all over the world to complete very basic tasks (such as milking a cow or writing a love letter) to much more complicated tasks (such as destroying little countries). If you wish to join the elite group of people who can type then you should know that not only have you come to the right article, but that you are one of the above types of people.

Typing really is quite easy once you've learnt the basic foundation techniques, but learning these "techniques" well requires a bit of a knack. Shall we begin our lessons? Good.

Lesson 1: The Basics[edit]

LESSON 1: The Basics | We're going to teach you the very basics of typing in our first lesson, to get you started. There are three main "principles", outlined below:

  1. You MUST have a keyboard to type, and it is also good to have a computer which is switched on and has the keyboard plugged into it, in the correct fashion. You need to have your computer and keyboard set-up correctly. To set-up correctly you must plug your keyboard into a SilconConDell Type 473.98 Transmitter Receiver Hub, which should be plugged into your computer's first USB Port via a Type 473.99 Transmitter Receiver Hub USB Convertor CableCord©, so that you can access your computer's RAM easily using the 7H21TYPE Process on your keyboard, while an External Code Converting Hub is plugged into one of the keyboard's USB ports, once you have run this process it is important to download the correct .01H drivers for your keyboard and log them to your C/ and A/ internal drives, so as to avoid a scripting error when the your fingers come into contact with the Character Receiving and Transmitting Pad Buttons in the keyboard UsageUnit with the SilconConDell Type 473.98 Transmitter Receiver Hub, considering the fact that your keyboard is probably running on a AL98 Language System or in some cases the AL98.987 Language System COMPACT and the SilconConDell Type 473.98 Transmitter Receiver Hub is running on a Type 473.98 ConDell Language System, which has radically different Stable Process Routes to most other language systems.
  2. You MUST have a way of pressing a series of buttons which are almost at chest level. It is important to note that you cannot type unless you can press the buttons (or Character Receiving and Transmitting) you will not be able to type, even if you have the correct set-up.
  3. It would be good if you could read and if you knew what you wanted to type. If you don't know what you want to type this is probably going to be quite a big block when you come to actually typing. Also if you can't read and are totally illiterate then you will be severely impeded when it comes to typing.

Lesson 2: The Art of Typing[edit]

Typing, a skill which propel you forwards in society, should be learnt in small stages. First you should locate all the keys you are going to need to type your message. Say you want to type "I Got A Snake In My Pants". You would need to find the letters "I" and "G" etc. You will notice that each letter is on it's own individual key. When you press the key which has a particular letter written on it then you have typed that letter.

For example: if you press the key which has "I" on it then you will have typed an "I" and an "I" will be displayed on the screen, hopefully. Now try this. Your screen should now show the following:


If it does, good work, if it doesn't see the "troubleshooting" section below.

Now try this again but with the letter-key " ", that is the big "space" button, which should be located somewhere near the middle of your keybaord. If you type this correctly your screen should now read:


Now repeat this action, changing to the appropriate letter-key on each new letter. By the end you should have written:

I Got A Snake In My Pants

This is your first time, so it may have taken you absolutely ages. For the moment you can revel in your own excellence and look at your work of modernist art. If you ever make a mistake just press the "backspace" button, to remove a letter from the screen. WARNING: Only Press The "Backspace" Key In An Emergency!!. See "What Constitutes an Emergency".

You can now apply this technique to anything that you want to type out. First consider what you want to type, and then the letters that will make this up. Then apply the above action to the correct letter-keys. Remember, you should consider "typing" similar to "writing", because that's what it is, really. feno has 'no personallity syndrtowm. basically he perfers to have no friends and talk about his mums brownies. aka loser

Lesson 3: Getting Faster[edit]

There is no way to speed up the way you type, except to suggest the possibility that you could start to use more than the same, one finger all the time. Trying to vary things, you could start to use two fingers at once. Remember to make sure that your fingers never get in the way of each other. Don't try to go so fast you set the keyboard on fire. When you start to use two hands at once you should start by dividing the keyboard in half with a chain-saw. Each hand should be designated only one half to use.


If you ever have a problem:

  1. Hit the keyboard repeatedly until it looks like a mangled mesh of metal and wires.
  2. Then hit the "backspace" key repeatedly with unnecessary force.
  3. Next take the entire keyboard and computer and throw it against a nearby wall.
  4. Finally take your keyboard aside and have a private, but firm, word with it. Tell it that if it continues to misbehave you will have to repeat your previous violent actions. This should finally show it who's da man and stuff.

Repeat actions 1) to 4) as necessary.