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U-turns. They are like shiny[1] metaphors in one's life, filled with nothing but sadness, boredom and burnt toast or toast substitute.

In other worlds, U-turns are roads. Not roads one's life must take or anything like that. Just roads.

As roads[edit]

A U-turn is when your car goes on a straight road[2], and meets a large[3] curve, in fact, completely leaving you to turning your car around. This means that you have wasted a small amount of your time to something other than watching obese African-American females talk about life's bad sides.

The creation of the U-turn dates back to 1940, when the Nazis wanted[4] to prank some Americans, by creating a U-turn at one point, where an American tank had to drive across. They quickly created another U-turn at another point, leaving the generally unintelligent Americans stranded on a road island for countless days, in which case they had to eat their socks and probably each other in the process. This lead the Nazis to victory in World War II.


The very name of Rhode Island is related to U-turns. Originally called the 'Island formed by U-Turns'[5], Rhode Island shortly expanded and adopted the current, abnormal name of 'Rhode Island and Providence Plantations'

Back to the roads, Americans have trouble with U-turn loops, as they are claustrophobic, and off-road driving, as they have crappy cars. This has made U-turn roads illegal in all of America. Therefor, U-turn off-road driving had been left for the Europeans and Africans.

If you want to avoid taking a U-turn, you can drive off the road, on to some unsuspecting civilians and even drive through their houses if you bother. Of course, the best way to avoid U-turns and just about any other roads without being suspected by the police or anyone else is ripazha.

A U-turn is by far the fourth most stupidest road turn mankind has ever thought up, behind the W-turn, Ü-turn, ♫-turn and the Marylin Manson-turn[6], in which the roads were made of C4 and the traffic lights were all dodgerBlue.

On the Keyboard[edit]


The U-turn key on keyboards will be placed on 2009 and later-manufactured keyboards to replace the classical 'Enter' key.

The key is added, as Enter has the secondary name of 'Return', which far too many lazy Americans have small mind understanding, so they just uninstall the game. Seriously, what sort of a key is 'Return'? It's like the worst name ever.

The keyboard "callback" was commissioned by keyboard enthusiast Bob Saget or the classical case of Bill Gates. Who else could it have been?

Gates chose the U-turn because he had trouble entering the Apple headquarters at 1 Infinite Loop, Cupertino, as Gates himself was caught in an infinite loop.

The U-turn, besides replacing 'Enter', will have a symbolic value as well. This referring to the question of "How many times did you have to go over a U-Turn to your hardware store when trying to install a well-working PC?"[7][8]

As opposed to Apple, their new key will be called 'Yes!', and the reason for the name to be so is self-explanatory.

In Philosophy[edit]

Life taking a U-turn is declared to be the biggest[9] nonsense in mankind.

If your life takes a U-turn, why not do it like previously stated and skip it? And besides, if life took a U-turn, where would you get a car? And how can cars drive on life anyway? Is it some kind of psychological gibberish invented by philosopher Stephen Hawking?

If so, allow me to read some of his philosophies[10] about life:

“If an object passes through another object, a black hole appears”

“As light has a limit, so does speed”

~ Stephen Hawking on Love

“Love is like a flower, that needs watering”

~ Stephen Hawking on quantum theory

In other words, U-turns in philosophy are like roads, but look like they were drawn in Paint. Another type of U-turn in philosophy is the James Bond-type U-turn, whereas life is like death. And cars have the license to kill.

In the Emo factor of U-turn philosophy[11], life sucks, and you take a U-turn when you die. That is simply Emo religion mixing with Buddhism.

Near Conclusion[edit]

We are almost done with this week's philosophy class. Thank you all for listening to this lesson, come again soon.

In conclusion, U-turns are better if avoided at all costs. Better send money to the government and hope they make some bypasses.


  1. List of all things Shiny, Robin Hood, 1531
  2. www.listofstraightroads.com
  3. Large Stuff Bi-Monthly, Week 15, 2005
  4. List of Things Nazis wanted to do, The Sun, 2001
  5. Things Rhode Island used to be called, The Daily Circumcision, 12 December, 2004
  6. "I declare this road in the name of freaky," -Marylin Manson, 2001
  7. Objects That Are Crap, Bob Saget
  8. Things I hate, Greg Benson
  9. Book of Nonsense -- The Second Testament
  10. Stephen Hawking - The Sexy Boy, Hans Christian Osama bin Baron von Andersen
  11. Emo Factor Weekly -- Week 21, 2008