United Spades of Amerika

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The United Spades of Amerika: Note the striking use of BLACK on WHITE

The United Spades of Amerika is the collective name for a political group that consists of both people and States (though these two entities are known for their constant quarrelling). Giving the title of Spade to its members, it is the strongest of the four feuding factions, the others being the Hearts Union of Amerika, the Amerikan Confederacy of Diamonds, and lastly the Club's Republic of Amerika. While none of these groups are known for their spelling, they are all political groups in the United States of America.

Their archrival is the Soviet Onion.

United Spades of Amerika[edit]

United Spades of Amerika is the title of one of the most stupid jokes ever on uncyclopedia. I mean it isn't funny at all. I mean it must been like this when they invented this boring joke:

Some Uncyclopedia User: "HAHA, I've got an idea let's take the country "The United States of America", and change the name so it'll become a funnier name annd so forth achieving 'parody' and 'comical effect'"

How shall we achieve this, O great one?" one user replied.

Well let's remove the word 'states' and replace it with something that's more funny and a bit surreal, you know what I am thinking about! Let's say it loud! All togeheter now:

So what's it gonna be instead of states? United Slaves of America? Smades? Smores? Spores? Spaces? Spocks? Spats? Spams? Spades? Spades - there you had it! The word Spades is really unrelated, also spelling 'America' with a K will be extremly unrelated and not-called-for, therefore it may be very funny. Yes comedy - absolutely brilliant comedy, among the likes of Jonathan Swift's "A modest proposal", A parodic masterpiece had soforth been achieved.

Of course, the entire preceeding load of drivel reveals the previous author's ignorance of the black nationalist [United Slaves Organization]


The United Spades of Amerika is organized according to a cards-based system, as are the three other parties mentioned above. Opposite to normal traditions however, the United Spades of Amerika use '2' as their leader's title, and have 'Kings' and 'Aces' as titles for regular members. 2's are always fond of music (except love songs) and often play it from the White House.

They are also known to have orgies in the middle of everyday local pubs. This kind of ceremony often involves a rubber chicken. No one has asked why.

While willing to associate with members of the Club's Republic, United Spades are openly hostile to constituents of the Hearts Union, and are tolerant of the Confederacy of Diamonds ONLY when they can use them for lavish jewelry worn on either their fingers, hanging around their neck, or embedded in their teeth and their poo.

Formed in the turbulent 1960's, it is believed that the United Spades often received most of its money via secret funding from agents of the Moscow-based Congress of Hammers and / or the Popular Front of Sickles, similar to the Silver Sickles found in the Bank of Gringotts, where Harry Potter stores his loot of Golden Galleons.


Having been founded before the Roman Empire, the United Spades of Amerika is one of the most powerful, though unseen, forces in pirate history.

Originally being only 13 members in size, called the "Original Suit", they had no rivals during their formation. They quickly began to form the newly created nation into their unwitting army base, though they were soon opposed by the sudden appearance of the Hearts Union of Amerika.

In order to remain forbidden from the ordinary person while continuing their work, they formed the Communist Party.

More details on American military victories

The War of Two[edit]

The period when there were only two forces combating for the chosen ground of Italy, the United Spades of Amerika and the Hearts Union of Amerika is known as the War of Two. Despite the fact that it is mostly unknown, and no weapons were used, it is nevertheless one of the most bitter wars fought.

Assassinations were common, though never of members of either group, but rather their key prawns. The media coverage varied widely, depending on which side owned the paper, and the common person was so confused they often could not tie their own shoe-laces.

In order to end the conflict before they made the population gibbering vegetables, they agreed to mules and restraints, and to only act through proxies. As a result the Republican Party and Democratic Party were formed, to be fronts shown to the mole people.

An unexpected offshoot of this were two new forbidden parties that were formed, i.e. the Amerikan Confederacy of Diamonds and the Club's Republic of Amerika.

Then Till Now[edit]

Since the war, less and less has been known directly about the United Spades of Amerika, and history books seem to be slowly rewritten to tell even less. The most that is ever heard of them, publicly at least, is implied accusations of loyalty one way or the other. Also, the fact that Spades are now considered an endangered species by the United Spades of Amerika tells a lot about the whole situation.

Goals & Policies[edit]

From hints and clues throughout history, a general overview of their goals can be obtained. Here is what we have not learned through exhaustive research:

  • Super-Human Project - The United Spades are apparently trying to create a type of superhuman, and dispense with what they deem to be the worthlessness of humanity. It it thought vitamins are used in this project.
  • Human Extinction Project - They think humans are stupid, and should be billed with all possible haste.
  • Internet Over-lord Project - In addition to super-humans they are trying to create an intelligence greater than anything before seen, postulated to be able to predict the winner of the Super Bowl.

See Also[edit]