From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
For the band, see Soviet Union (band)

“The Soviet Union was bound to fall - it's on the edge of the map”

~ Tamia on Soviet Union

“In Mother Russia, USSR still exist!”

~ Russia on Russia
Note: This article has NOT been edited by the People's Fair and Constitutionally Supervised Under the Glorious Eternal Lordship of Kim Jong Il Information Bureau of the Glorious Democratic People's Republic of Korea!!! (section six)
Shocking new footage of Soviet Brainwashing teqniques.
Новый Союз Советских Социалистических Республик
Union of Super Socialist Revolutionaries
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg NeoUSSRcoat.jpg
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Aye, comrade."
Anthem: Born in the USSR
Capital Moscow
Largest city Moscow
Official language(s) A local dialect of the Eastern European language Smirnoff that the locals refer to as "Yakovian".
Government Socialist Republic
Fearless Leader Comrade Lenin
‑ General Premier Comrade Trotsky
National Hero(es) Boris, Natasha
Established The Glorious Revolution has always been, always is, and always will be.
Currency The tears of bourgeois capitalists.
Religion Proletariat
Bowling for Vegetables!
The USSR at its peak (after defeating America by hijacking an airplane and holding Harrison Ford hostage).
Red- The USSR, land conquered by Soviets, or puppet states to the USSR.
Blue- Capitalist pigs!.
Green- The paristic neutral neuterd countries.
Gray-The Great and Glorious non-communist ally that is Kentuckistan.

The USSR, also called the "Soviet Union" or the Soviet Empire, was originally a labor union that was organized as a response to Wal-Mart's practice of indentured slave labor.

But where's Stalin?

Not much is known of the Soviet people except for the fact that they loved golden tools and drink large quantities of vodka. These ideals conflicted with the United States' inherent values(large corporate entities, calories, weapons manufacturers). This conflict of interest led to strong animosity between the two countries, culminating in the fiercely battled Cold War, aptly named for devastating warfare that took place in the frigid polar regions of Cuba, Vietnam, Korea, and Central America.

Rumored to be located somewhere north of the South Pole, it was the world's first communist state and second user of the backward R (to give it a sort of "Яussian flavor"). The country is famed for its cunning linguists and master debaters, empowered by their frequent use of a very powerful linguistic tool that originated in their culture, the so called "Russian reversal". Even the most hard-lined opponents have been thwarted by this argumentative wonder. Historians do not know how far back in history the usage of the Russian reversal can be traced, but it is believed to have been started by brilliant USSR orator and philosopher, Yakov Smirnoff, with the phrase, "In Soviet Russia, party finds!"


Main article: History of the USSR


~ Soviet Historians on Soviet History

Rise to Power[edit]

After Johan Vas Liebert, a German diplomat discovered the burial site of Jesus in Moscow, he decided that Russia was the Holy Land, and worked 3 long months to bring to the public eye the importance of Mother Russia.

First, he created 500 Jewish, communist robots to conquer 30% of all Eurasia. He anticipated this could take up to 45 years or more, but fortunately, it only took 15 days. The robots he built were so efficient they could each destroy 20,000 Capitalist pigs per day. They were self sustaining, God-Fearing machines capaple of human emotions. Their fate was to be launched into the vacuum of space for feeling pain, comfort, happiness, and fear.

After the purging of the Eurasian weaklings, Johan proceeded to have sexual intercourse with every healthy woman within a 300 kilometer radius to produce a whole slew of followers. These children would later become the Conservative Republican Party and would soon politely convince The World to follow their idealogy.

Lastly, after the forming of Russia was completed in 1914, Johan decided that killing Archduke Ferdinand would be the best course of action, because homosexuals are fucking queer. Johan totally fucked up, and after his impeachement in 1915 by The Ghost of Jesus he plunged the world into WWII.


Perhaps most notable accomplishment of the Soviets was the coining the now widely used term LOL. Russian for "comrade," it was a word developed to stand either before or after every sentence, phrase, word, or letter. For example, the sentence "Comrade, you've tested positive for AIDS" would be translated loosely to "LOL you have AIDS!" And now our internet sounds like a pack of twelve year-old retards all hopped up on paint thinner. Damn commies polluting our children. We shoulda killed 'em all off when we had the chance back in the American Revolution. Oh they tried to fool us with all that British broo-hah-hah, but it's those red coats that give 'em away. Crafty swine... Huh? Oh! I mean... yeah, Russian achievements... Ummm, I guess Tetris is kinda fun... for like 8 seconds. They also make a pretty good scapegoat for every imaginable problem with the world from 1945 to 1991.

Military Aggression[edit]

They great Russian military crush all opposition Comrade!

USSR Today[edit]

It is widely believed that the Soviet Union ceased to exist in 1991, but it lives, and is still one of the world's superpowers. It's current leader is "Slenin" a super human clone made from Lenin and Stalin's DNA. The US was merely a puppet state, their real enemies are the Swiss. The Soviet-Swiss Pact of 1991 officially bound the two nations into an alliance, because the Soviet Union and Switzerland would have bombed themselves into oblivion. The truce still holds today, but recent tensions have led to renewed fears of a nuclear holocaust. As of 2009, the Swiss have entered into a massive economic decline due to its dwindling illegal money transfers made from American drug lords. The present-day Soviet underworld have subsequently made recent advances in the current global balance of power. Penis

See also[edit]