UnNews:"ITS NOT FAIR, I'M THE BEST, NOT HIM" - F1 'ace' Alonso acedes defeat gracefully

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1 October 2007

Alonso, being a twat yesterday

CURRENT FORMULA 1 WORLD CHAMPION Fernando Alonso accepted likely defeat to rookie Lewis Hamilton graciously last night. The Spaniard was seen stomping his feet and throwing himself on the floor, wailing and screeching. "I'm not playing no more! I'm the best not him! ME ME ME!", he said sportingly. After winning in Japan yesterday it seems that Lewis Hamilton is about to become Formula One world champion at the tender age of just seven years old.

Alonso was scarcely able to contain his emotions last night, "if he's driving for McLaren next season then I'm NOT. It's not fair I'm the best driver so I should always get the best car!", Alonso added tearfully just before his mummy blew his nose for him.

Spaniard Alonso, apparently embarked on a 'dirty protest' after his latest loss. It is reported that he left a neatly deposited turd on the seat of his crashed car. He initially blamed it on a fox but a number of witnesses have stepped forward to say they saw him "squatting in his car, curling one off."

McLaren boss Brian Clough was seen hitting Alonso round the head and muttering something about "grass in the clouds young man!"