UnNews:"The Power Rangers" deemed a 'really bad influence'
18 September 2007
Hyulkadulkatuckerskin, Alabama - This just in, Saban Entertainment, the producers of the popular series, "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers", is under fire for a very very recent incident in which a 5-year-old boy raped and then murdered his sister while worshiping Satan just several hours after watching the show. Yuppies, soccer moms, and coprophilliacs everywhere were outraged and began protesting around nearly all sections of both the United States of America, and the United Spades of America.
The Alabama police are already investigating the scene of the crime, and have found many suspicious items, including several toy swords and guns, a Power Rangers videotape covered in blood, a Power Rangers-themed page from a magazine (presumably used to give the victim a papercut), a Power Rangers T-Shirt (presumably to suffocate the victim).
All other items have been dismissed, such as a teddy bear, a pack of crayons, a leather belt, several generic T-shirts, some shorts, some pants, some more T-shirts, an alphabet picture book, an alphabet-themed novel, an education VHS tape, some 'scary' VHS tapes, a DVD player, a "World of Warcraft" CD-ROM, a baby doll, a dead puppy, another dead puppy, a dead rat, a dead raccoon, a dead man, a "Death for Satan" album and T-shirt, a wooden satanic pentagram, a haiku entitled "time to serve the evil one", a steak knife, a ball-gag, a chainsaw, a hockey mask, a hockey puck, a baseball, a soccer ball, a football helmet, several footballs, some sports-themed trading cards, several Pokemon trading cards, a red marker, some ketchup, an "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou" album, a National Geographic magazine, a Barney puppet, a Slipknot poster, and a mobile with birds and bears.
The Police have attempted to jail the boy, but he started reading spells from a book called, the "Book of Satanic Rituals", which the surviving cops and parents speculated was a spinoff merchandise related to the Power Rangers (though all admitted to never having watched the show), and killed off 90% of the cops.
Another controversial thing that sparked outrage was the fact that a company called VT Interactive created a new Power Rangers game, and, though it was not even an official game or intended for children, it make parents angry.
This incident has caused another "Moral Panic", and the redneck moms everywhere have convinced president George W. Bush to start a new "War on Power Rangers", which should start anytime before September 24. Those supporting the Power Rangers have joined the "Axis", and those who oppose them have formed the new "Allies".
The following states have formed up the Allies, which will fight for the justice and morality of the United States: Alabama, Georgia. Tommorrow, George W. Bush has scheduled to announce the Power Rangers officially a "really bad influence".
Conspiracy Theorists are already speculating that the "War on Power Rangers" is another coverup for the evil CIA/FBI/FEMA/Nazi/Facism/NAU/NATO/NAC/FreeMason/WWF/WTF/OMG/LOL/American/Hotdog/Eagle/Patriot/Gay/Black/Mexican/GDub conspiracy that the government has been cooking up for 50 years and STILL hasn't launched. They believe that possibly this could be in connecting with the 1998 African Embassy Bombings, as "9/18" seems to use the "/" and the "1" as symbolizing two weapons, and if the weapons are let go, it makes "98", which proves their point somehow. They also believe that possibly the boy was taught satanism by some UFOs, which were later destroyed by the CIA, who took off on their Black Helicopters and held the 782nd conference about why the War on Iraq should continue.
They have even created a new website called "9/18-Truth.org". Whether or not they even remotely are making sense? Nobody knows...
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