UnNews:A dog saves a failing Kansas school from shutting its doors

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Approved by Kansas Board of Education
Approved by the Kansas State Board of Education
This page meets all criteria and requirements for use as teaching material within the State of Kansas public school system. It consists of facts, not of theories, and students are encouraged to believe it uncritically, and to approach alternatives critically.

June 28th, 2007


Topeka--- Kids were clapping, cheering, crying, and some even farting when they found out that a High School wouldn't be closed after weeks of speculation that the school would be shut down do to failing grades. It wasn't funds that saved the school, but an ugly dog.

An anonymoous high school student feared his teacher. Therefore, he had an ugly dog with him at all times. His parents bought the dog for him on eBay. Of course, this dog wasn't trained to fight, but loud puffy farts and ugliness often scared people away. Although the dog was defensive at all times, he only came to save the school during the final exams at the high school. Most kids didn't study at all, not even for 10 minutes.

During the middle of the test, the dog farted really loudly, which caused the students to flee the classrooms. The dog gathered all the tests together and pooped on one of them. With its foot, it smudged the poop all over the papers. To the graders, it looked like the poop was meant to be the answers the students filled. While it was apparent that all 4 answers could have been filled in, the students were too stupid to know that.

"We saw them running in the middle of the hallways. We didn't know what they were up to, we thought they were planning some scheme against us. We didn't really care since it was hopeless trying to prove to the Kansas State Board of Education that this school could actually operate. But this dog saved the day, unbelievably!" said Principal Bob Didfspbhudf at a Press Conference.

The dog is currently retired, and as a hobby enjoys farting and eating other students' homework.

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