UnNews:Bearded Web Guru Has Amazing Knowledge About What Obama Wants

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19 February 2010

Are you a mom making less than $45,000 a year? This man has a message for you from Obama.

Did you know that President Obama Backs legislation that you could take advantage of if you drive less than two hours a day? Or perhaps you are a mom - did you know Obama wants you to return to school?

It's all true, and Harold Soandso, a wise bearded guru from your state, wants you to know all about it. Mr. Soandso has decided to post these messages on every fucking ad-supported web site you will ever visit alongside his serene but creepy driver's license photo, just so that you do not miss any valuable opportunities that our illustrious president has backed for you.

"If you drive less than two hours a day," Mr. Soandso said, "you may qualify for auto insurance discounts. Obama backs insurance regulation." When asked why he is so concerned about moms, homeowners and part-time drivers, Soandso said, "Why aren't more homeowners taking advantage of government refinance relief? Obama asks moms to return to school."

Although his creepy-Jesus face frightens small children, and his only known history is that he used to work a bad job, rest assured that his knowledge of what Obama wants you to do is startlingly complete. He now makes more money than he ever thought possible, so you know he has done his research. Also, his driver's license, which he also often posts on the same web sites, includes a link you can use to calculate how much you can save on insurance.