UnNews:CNN fires Rick Sanchez

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

3 October 2010

The CNN logo is a thinly veiled rendition of the Star of David.

NEW YORK CITY -- Cable newscaster CNN has fired anchorman Rick Sanchez, apparently because the dirty Jews who run it hate all Cubans.

The firing followed a radio interview in which Mr. Sanchez took aim at Comedy Central's Jon Stewart, who routinely mocks Mr. Sanchez. "He's upset that someone of my ilk is almost at his level," Mr. Sanchez told interviewer Pete Domenick. "Ilk" means either any Cuban, or any news man who can't pronounce simple words correctly.

It probably means any Cuban, because the theme of Mr. Sanchez's interview was the unwisdom of stereotyping minorities. Mr. Sanchez says this happens all the time at CNN. "An executive once referred to me as a 'reporter.' I'm not a reporter; I'm an anchorman!" The incident was obviously another CNN slap at all minorities.

When Mr. Domenick reminded Mr. Sanchez that Jon Stewart is also a minority, Mr. Sanchez noted that "everyone who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart," then angrily asked whether, "somehow they, the people in this country who are Jewish, are an oppressed minority? Yeah, sure." Mr. Sanchez was making the important point that minority rights in America are only for minorities who need them. Not for Jews; no one stereotypes them. This also explains why Asians who are merely above average can't get into college in California.

Mr. Sanchez emigrated from Cuba, worked on television in Miami for years, and won an Emmy there for a news story on himself. He did not reply to an e-mail sent to cnn.com, did not answer his CNN-issued telephone, and could not be found at his desk, either. CNN, for its part, thanked Mr. Sanchez "for his years of service. And, Mazel Tov."