UnNews:Catholic Church declares crusade against Uncyclopedia

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“Forget about it!!!!!, now that Alicia Keys controls it. I smokem peace pipe with the FSM now”

26 April 2010

The Pope, unmedicated.

VATICAN CITY -- In a Papal cock and bull story today, Pope Phaseolus XIX called for a Crusade today, issuing the command to all Christians that "holy war is to be waged on the infidel Uncyclopedia and all its minions. All Catholics are ordered to kill Uncyclopedians where they stand, and to burn their evil empire to the ground."

The fires of Hell will consume us.

The ire of the Papacy was drawn by Uncyc due to what Vatican spokespriest Fr. Paulo Smegallino calls "a disproportionate number of anti-Christian articles, compared to those making fun of other religions."

Smeggalino told UnNews, "You people just don't know when to stop. I will see you in Hell."

However, an partially anonymous source inside the Vatican says that the Pope has gone off his meds, explaining "the voices get bad after a few weeks off his quinine. He should settle down soon, now that his doctors have interceded."

Sources[edit]

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.