UnNews:Celtic fan uses "kung fu one inch punch" to floor Milan goalkeeper

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4 October 2007

THE FOOTBALL FAN whose pitch confrontation with the AC Milan goalie led to the footballer collapsing on the pitch has been revealed to be a "frankly rather poor" kung fu ninja assassin. AC Milan's Nelson Dida, meanwhile, was lucky to escape with his life after apparently being on the receiving end of the mythical one inch punch.

Kung Fu Master Chin Chongchinamann, once watching the video of the incident agreed that the goalkeeper had narrowly missed the fabled 'touch of death'; "Applied correctly the one inch punch causes death within seconds. Fortunately for the AC Milan keeper the ninja's execution of the move was very badly flawed."

"One, he applied the blow too high. He should have delivered the blow directly over the heart to instigate a fatal cardiac arrest within seconds and two, he obviously forgot to disappear in a puff of billowing red smoke."

UEFA have instigated a wide ranging investigation into security at football matches as last nights incident comes just a month after Chelsea keeper Petr Cech was nearly beheaded by a raging, but incompetent Samurai.

Attacked by ninja, or big poof?