UnNews:Death By Facebook!

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

16 August 2008

You didn't know they were so small and cute, did ya'?

PERTHSHIRE, Scotland In what Perthshire Police Department Officials are calling a "macabre and bizarre twist of unnecessary yet highly entertaining events", yesterday morning at approximately 7 a.m. a Perthshire man was found dead by his homeschooling teacher. The victim was found slumped back in his desk chair, holding a small platypus under his right arm, while sitting comfortably at his modern computer-apparently having been prodded and poked over in what the Coroners Office can estimate as "a smidgen under 2 million times" by a Facebook 'friend'. Police are calling the incident "moderately suspicious" and quickly added "but we'll do nothing. Come on, he's 43 and still living with his Mum! She'd tan our hides!"

Grant Edgly 43, of Perthshire and an employee of "Mo's Car Audio and Hookah Pipe Shoppe" will be buried in Inverness Cemetary Thursday promptly at noon-ish. His mother Pauline 59, said that he had spent the last 3 months on Facebook "for over 15 hours a day". She felt that Grant "was a really sad case" but added "He was quite a nice, though irresponsible young man".

What started out as a bit of fun had serious reprecussions and Authorities urge current users to "go easy" on pokes and prods and "never ever throw a sheep at somebody as they might sacrifice themselves in an attempt to protect a platypus." His Mum stated; "My Grant had a friends list bigger than the whole of Ireland. This may have been his downfall. Friends-can't live with them, apparently one cannot live without them. But his one TRUE friend, Pete the Platypus-was there by his side for him as he took his last dying breath." The platypus has been placed into protective custody for it's own good. Mrs. Edgly too, has been placed in protective custody for her own good.

UnNews Logo Potato.png
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.