UnNews:Fatties enjoy pork pie wedding cake

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5 May 2009

"Get that down yer, luv - it's nothing compared to what I'll be shovin' in yer fat gob later."

LINCOLN, England -- Every bride hopes that the big day will be a perfect, fairytale occasion without any mishaps and that she will be treated as a princess from the moment she awakes to the moment she blushingly accompanies her new husband to bed - after all, the rest of married life for most women is one of drudgery and servitude, so she's got to have at least one decent day to remember until her husband eventually dies and she can enjoy widowhood. 42-stone (588lb or 263.7kg, depending on preference) Emma Kent must feel like the luckiest bride in the world after friends created a giant pork pie wedding cake for her recent marriage to long-term partner John, who weighs in at an impressive 51 stone.

"We had no idea that the cake was being made," says Mr. Kent. "My wife and I are big fans of pork pies and other tasty, porky treats so you can imagine how delighted we were when it was unveiled. Emma was overjoyed - what more could a corpulent bride ever wish for?"

The cake, which featured three tiers and weighed 10kg (22lb), cost just £150 to produce, compared with £650 or more for conventional wedding cakes. Harry Smith, who has known Mr. Kent for ten years, told how he and a group of people made up of friends and family of the couple took eight hours to make it. "It was a lot of hard work, but it was worth it. You should have seen the look of sheer delight on their fat faces during then ten minutes it took them to scoff the lot, the lardy gits."