UnNews:Fluffy bunnies, the great economic resource

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This column is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-eyeblink misinformation. And by "misinformation", we mean "the truth."


10 April 2010

Bunnies can, and will, work on construction sites for carrots. They are especially good at spotting roots.
Get out your shotgun, Mr. Bunny-hater.

Fluffy bunnies. How often have you felt proper sympathy toward those cute little ruminants? Not often, I bet. While you may appreciate their fluffiness and obvious cuteness, until now most of us - yes, I'm guilty of that myself - have viewed them as just another nuisance. Nothing could be farther from the truth, as recent studies have established.

Why is it that fluffy bunnies have always had such bad publicity? It has nothing to do with their appearance, that much is certain. The reputation of a fluffy bunny, despite the mental imagery of cuteness and fluffiness, is that of a destroyer of things. Why? We all have to eat. You might have eaten some fluffy bunnies, in fact! I see no call for a member of the human race pointing fingers at cute little fluffy bunnies only because they have destroyed an apple tree sapling or eaten a few measly turnips on your field! And I, for one, am certain that you would not be part of such finger-pointing - unless something else had affected you. If you think about it for a while, you will soon understand what that "something" is.

The anti-bunny people. These vicious, slandering creeps have established themselves on practically every level of modern society. They spray their slogans on dirty walls in alleyways. They loiter in supermarkets, spreading filthy lies about bunnies. They design horrid traps to maim, torture and kill our cute little fluffy friends. They give orders to manufacture those traps in the hundreds of thousands. And they spend multimillion budgets - only to draft campaigns to wipe out entire bunny populations all over the world! Let me tell you, those people are grossly misled. They mix fluffy bunnies with Rodents. A common misconception.

The next time you see a fluffy bunny, think about what you are just about to do to it. When you see that helpless, petrified silhouette and those horror-stricken eyes reflecting your headlights - have a little mercy. Brake. Let them honk. And the next time you go out, leave the shotgun on the rack. You will help our economy by that.