UnNews:Fox News dumps Glenn Beck

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8 April 2011

“I'm going because I can't stay there forever, not because Fox couldn't deal with my bullshit anymore. I am Paul Revere, and the Brtitsh are comin'!!!!!!!”

Please, Fox, let me stay! Have mercy on my drunken soul!

NEW YORK CITY-- Hello, America. Glenn Beck has been booted off the air by the likes of Saddam Hussein Obama, Bill Ayers, and George Soros. Soros and Obama, in a desperate form of liberal censorship, decided to give poor Glenn the boot because of his so-called "conspiracy theories". The explanations of how Glenn was fired range from evil ham sandwiches to neo-Nazi commies to George Soros, Spooky Dude!

Moving from CNN to Fox was a huge jump for Glenn, as he could expose Obama for the commie he really is. The truth is though, while Glenn was restoring honor to American politics, the evil liberal elites were plotting his demise. They hacked into ratings software and tried to make the American people believe that Glenn's ratings were going down the tanks, while they were still much higher than any other program that was aired during that time slot. It can only be the work of: George Soros.

Glenn never actually called Prez Obama a fascist, so we can't blame him. ACORN was plotting a way to execute Glenn (and his viewers) by tainting his cookie dough. He was always drawing on the chalkboard, which it is potentially a murderer. But he was always armed just because of: Not George Soros.

He couldn't even spell olgarcky right, but he was still a successful crying tough guy as he wept with tears the millions he was raking in. His tears were caused by none other than: George Soros.

But why must Glenn leave us as his truths were only making us happier as they led to the Rapture? What shall I cry to every weekday at five? There is no hope as Glenn has left us! But who would do such a thing? It can only be the fault of ...him.....

But Glenn will still appear on a crappy radio show and in books. There may be hope... until Spooky Dude burns them!

We'll miss you, Glenn! Damn spooky dude!