UnNews:Google to privacy campaigners: We know where you live

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12 June 2007

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Google's Fortress of Omniscience, Redmond - Search giant Google has denied claims that it is infringing its customers' right to privacy. Privacy activists "Privacy International" insist that Google's vast database of search information cross referenced by customer identity and indexed by the customer's inside leg measurement is cause for concern.

A privacy spokesman who did not wish to be identified said "We believe that Google is in a position to abuse its status as the most popular search engine in the world today. The amount of data they keep is completely unnecessary, and if this information fell into the wrong hands it could be used to destroy the lives of innocent people."

Google's response was swift, and alarming considering that they hadn't been approached for comment yet. "We are hurt by the accusation that we could use our database to destroy people. Mike Cheese, why do you say such bad things about us? We were so happy for you when you joined Privacy International just three months ago. Just because we know that you are married but every third Tuesday night after 23:00 you Google for "hardcore slut action", it doesn't mean we necessarily have to pass the information on to your wife Martha or even your daughter Katie and her hamster Snuffles. We haven't. Yet."