UnNews:Hitler is really Soulja Boy

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29 April 2008

Though you may not notice it at first, Soulja Boy is really Hitler.

After extensive staring at photos by NASA scientists (and Madonna), it has been concluded that the funny-looking singer known as Soulja Boy is really Adolf Hitler. His attempts at music contain anti-semitic undertones (shouting JEWWWWWWWWWWW at every possible opportunity) that have been misinterpreted as references to the second-person pronoun (YOUUUUUUUUUUUU). In fact, after intensive listening sessions by grossly obese Japanese whalers, it has been uncovered that the lyrics are actually made up of five whole phrases (A lyrical masterpeice for Soulja Boy):

  • JEWWWWWW
  • Concentration Camp-izzle
  • This is Serious Hardcore Rap-Type Stuff
  • I have a moustache, dog. Do you, dog?
  • Haters get stuffed cause superman is MY hoe.
Can't forget Superman. Who is MY hoe btw.

The next step, obviously, was who to blame for all of this. There were some tempting options: The Jews, left-handed people, Robert Mugabe, Your Mum, Kittens, Them, Shaunak, YOUUUUUUUUUUU, Einstein, Ronald MacDonald, Lenin, R. Kelly and even the French; but after a tense final it was found that in fact, it was all Captain Petey Widdershanks Blunderbub Shaleweather Monkeyturtle Johansen III's fault, (although Jehovah's Witnesses were very close runners up)

Now all that is left to do is to hide in corners, get AIDs or snivel pitifully until Hitler either rules the world (in which case we'll all become communists just to annoy him), or falls over doing that ridiculous dance of his (JEWWWWWWWWWWWW) and breaks his neck.

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