UnNews:Lindsay Lohan in "lip transplant" controversy

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2 November 2007

Lohan's sexy new look (if you like that sort of thing)

ORANGE FACED ACTRESS Lindsay Lohan showed off a "sexy" new look last night as she left a Hollywood restaurant. It seems that she has engaged in the new 'big lipped negro' look that is this weeks must have amongst the celeb elite. The alleged actress has apparently undergone a controversial "African lip" transplant.

Dr Strangefok, who has completed 100s of lip transplants and charges $1,200,000 per procedure, explains that the practice "is really quite straight forward. It involves impoverished Africans selling their lips to us (typically for five to six dollars). We then cut the lips off (typically with a pair of rusty shears) before packing them in ice and chartering a USAF B2 stealth bomber to ferry them as quickly as possible to my clinic."

How the donors eat or speak after having their mouths mutilated is not elaborated on by Dr Strangefok, "we do pay them well and how they go on to live their lives without lips is not really our concern or business." he said before ushering us out of his gold encrusted office.

You TOO can get the new Lohan look by entering Unnews's prize draw. Unnews has procured three sets of lips from Nigeria for three lucky viewers. just answer the simple question on page 34 and fly the answer to us by carrier pigeon, enclosing a cheque for £3,000,000.