UnNews:My country is better than your whole fucking continent!

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22 September 2008

Suck it Faldo. Suck it.

LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - I'm sick of it. All this back and forth between the people; America is the best! No, England rules! It's frankly getting old. But most of all, the argument is fucking stupid. Because frankly, England? Fuck England! America is better than the whole fucking continent of Europe! Look, the argument was retarded to begin with. We already beat your asses in two fucking wars, AND do you know who we allied with for that first one? France! Fucking France! My country was able to turn around an entire history of fucking retardation, and won France a goddamn war.

But now, it has to have been settled. Did America beat England this week in the Ryder Cup? NO! America laid a fucking beat-down the the whole fucking continent. So, fuck you England, you had your time. It's over. You suck so much, I won't even acknowledge you alone for your all-around shittiness. You are now grouped with the rest of the fucking morons that surround you as a virtual retard omelet that America fucking whipped up.

Boo Europe?! Boo Weekely!

Do you understand who you were beaten by Europe? Do you get it? You just got your ass handed to you by a guy named fucking Boo Weekley. You got taken out by two, TWO! different people from Kentucky! Our retards fucking killed your best goddamn golfers. And you know what the saddest part was? The best goddamn player in the world wasn't even playing. The guy who just won the US Open on one fucking leg, didn't even need to play in order for Europe to be shown how fucking worthless it is. The man is the most famous player on the whole fucking planet, and he didn't even acknowledge the fact that Europe was even playing. Don't fail so much next time, and maybe, MAYBE Tiger Woods will take the time out of his day to fucking wedge golf balls into all of your taints, and show you that he is a god.

But fuck it, it's pointless to think about it. You suck too much for that to even be considered.

How does it feel Europe? How do you like getting tea-bagged by Ben Fucking Curtis? I don't even know who the fuck he is, and he still kicked your asses. The whole team went out there, and beat you like it was nothing. Like if you hadn't even been there, their days would have been no different. I can't even comprehend what it's like to know that not only is your continent worthless, but you and those other fucking douche bags that surround you, are more worthless then the shit that we Americans step on in the mornings.

At least the shit is a minor nuisance, but you Europe? Fuck it, you know what, I'm not going to spend any more time talking about how worthless your whole fucking continent is. I'm done. You're too fucking meaningless for me to take any more time out of my fucking day to talk about how shitty you are.

Fuck you Europe.

Have a good flight home. I'd like to say I hope you aren't horribly depressed by what you see once you get there, but we all know that's fucking retarded for me to say. Just don't go kill yourselves with the knowledge that the whole fucking meaning of your life is fucking empty. It's way too much fun beating your whole shitty continent.

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.