UnNews:Oscar night confirms rumor: Farrah Fawcett faked her death

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8 March 2010

Surprise! She may land the Dagny Taggart role yet.

HOLLYWOOD, California - Former amply-nippled pin-up girl Farrah Fawcett is still alive. Rumors that she faked her own death last year and moved to a secluded Pacific island have been confirmed by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

A public outcry ensued after the Oscar ceremony's annual memorial reel failed to pay her tribute, with many feeling that her exclusion from the tribute was an egregious affront. As a result of the outcry, Academy president Tom Sherak was forced to reveal Fawcett's well-kept secret. "Unfortunately, Ms. Fawcett is not dead. The memorial reel is reserved exclusively to those in the motion picture industry who have actually met their end. Now, despite her obvious lack of talent, Ms. Fawcett was a vital member of this community whose actual passing would certainly merit a spot on the reel. But the fact is, she faked her death for personal reasons, and therefore is not eligible for a memorial-reel tribute."

The announcement excited both of Fawcett's fans, and plans are in the works between them to mount a global Find Farrah campaign and convince her to try once again to revive her career. The two have not yet explained where they plan to find a director who cares little enough about the quality of his or her project to be a part of their effort, however.

"Frankly, the industry suffered little from her self-imposed ouster," Sherak said in a statement to the press. "Her arranged death was no inconvenience, certainly. Of course, bending the rules to include her in the tribute was briefly considered, if nothing else to avoid this inevitability. But the fact is our death-faking program would be taken undue advantage of if tired-out celebrities out there knew we would put them on the reel along with the really dead. And we don't have the resources to manage that."

This turn of events has prompted conspiracy theorists world-wide to go back through past memorial-reel presentations to find any other missing tributes to celebrities whose deaths had been announced the year before. If their efforts prove fruitful, watchers can look forward to some interesting changes on DeadOrAliveInfo.com.