UnNews:Palin gals circle wagons against retard "haters"

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19 February 2010

And by "circling the wagons", she means "we're getting loaded for bear".

by UnNews Staff Writer

OK, so Sarah Palin said what, now? I was falling asleep during a local news broadcast, when I heard an announcer say. "or Seth MacFarland hatches devious plot to expose Sarah Palin as an idiot. Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin and her crazy daughter Britney have gone ballistic on Cabal stooge Seth MacFarland, creator of the animated sitcom series, "Family Stuff".

I attributed what I heard to the excellent quality of the weed I've been smoking lately, when I rouse myself a bit to hear about Bristol Palin: she says "Family Guy" Producers Are "Heartless Jerks" on her mother's Facebook account. "Jesus," I thought to myself, "this ought to be good."

I fumbled into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee, and took a swig of cough medicine on the way to my desk. At my command, thousands of UnNews robots crawled across the internet, looking for the latest news about Alaskas former governor.

I find this at RTTNews -

"Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's family is blasting producers of the hit animated TV series "Family Guy" for their recent depiction of a special needs child.
"On the episode, a character with Down syndrome tells another character that her mother is the former governor of Alaska."
"Palin's daughter, Bristol, came forward with a statement on her mother's Facebook account, speaking out against the show - which she believes made reference to her brother Trig, who suffers from Down syndrome - and calling its producers "heartless jerks."

Huh. It doesn't seem to me that the "Downs-afflicted" actress, who did the voiceover work for the part in question, is suffering very badly. In fact, she's got more work than I do lately, and I'm certain she has a better class of friends.

Bristol ends her whiny tirade with:

"People with special needs face challenges that many of us will never confront, and yet they are some of the kindest and most loving people you'll ever meet. Their lives are difficult enough as it is, so why would anyone want to make their lives more difficult by mocking them? As a culture, shouldn't we be more compassionate to innocent people - especially those who are less fortunate?"

One of the lessons character Chris Griffin draws at the end of this episode is that "retarded people aren't different at all! You suck like everybody else!"

Now it's time to pull out the big guns; hard liquor. Christ, how can I possibly do an UnNews story funnier and more fucked than the actual story? Drinking isn't helping. I'm screwed, this will never make deadline... Fuck it, I'm going to bed.

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