UnNews:Salmond announces an independent Scotland would have its own flag

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26 October 2012

Mock up of what an independent Scotland's flag might look like

EDINBURGH, Scotland -- Although keeping the pound and the Queen as head of state, Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond today promised that an independent Scotland would get its own flag.

"It's important that the people of Scotland have a flag they can identify with," he told reporters, "and we will not stop at a flag: Scottish soccer fans will no longer have to half-heartedly clap along a United Kingdom football team, they can instead roar their support for the very own team called 'Scotland'."

The official language of Scotland is also set to be changed from English to Scottish English (Scotch), which would be similar, but slower and more angry with a distinctive aroma.

Scotland’s bid for independence seems to be upsetting those south of the border, with a recent poll showing 92% of English citizens plan to shove their own heads (and those of their families) through any televisions providing mind-numbing details of the "For" and "Against" campaigns.

The independence cause is receiving support from abroad, with Frenchman Sean Connery espousing his strong support: "Shurely every shingle shane man knowsh that a Shcottish Independent Shtate is shertain to shucsheed. Shod the Shassenachs!"

Proud Scot Mel Gibson was unavailable for immediate coherent comment.

Important differences between the UK and the puta-tive State of Scotland[edit]

UK Scotland
Flag Red, white, and blue. White and blue.
Money British Pound Scottish Pound
Exchange Rate £1.00GBP to £1.00SP £1.00SP to £1.00GBP
Location British Isles British Isles (north)
Language British English Scottish English
Tea Accompaniment Milk, one sugar Whiskey
Summer July 17th-18th No
Leg Coverings Trousers Kilts
National Instrument MP3 Player on phone Bagpipe
Cuisine Awful Disgusting
Underclass Chavs Neds
National Past-time Whinging Heroin