UnNews:Samoan ruler not assassinated, unimportant

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20 May 2007

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APIA, Samoa - The world barely lifted an eyelash as a leader of Samoa died of "natural causes" yesterday. The lengthy and boring report came from grieving family members, who wished that Malietoa Tanumafili II be remembered for his great contribution to the independence and stability of Samoa. Most of the world could seem to care less.

"He was known for being the 'Father of Samoa', having ruled since its independence in 1962. He was the oldest head of state when he died... We're talking Guinness Book of Records here... come on people, does this mean nothing to you?" said current Prime Minister Tuilaepa Sailele Malielegaoi. "Just because he was not beheaded, or shot, or stabbed with a poisoned umbrella, does this mean he does not deserve respect? Did he not found an entire nation? Was he not an inspiration to thousands of his countrymen?"

Omaha, Nebraska convenience-store clerk Mary Brown, when polled, seemed to have a faint idea of who Tanumafili was, but corrected herself moments later: "No, wait... that was Bobby Kennedy." Meanwhile, across the ocean, German fisherman Christian Brentz-Stablicht had "no clue who that [was]. Besides," he added, "why should I care if there wasn't some sort of military coup or something?"

The bulletless, ordinary corpse of Tanumafili will be laid to rest in a public ceremony tomorrow. "We have yet to see who will attend, but I have set up about twenty chairs, just to be on the safe side." said Malielegaoi.

{Editor's Disclaimer: Some factual information in this article may be incorrect, as the story was not really worth researching.}