UnNews:Sleepovers identified as death panels

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21 April 2011

Speaker John Boehner discussing why we should repeal sleepovers

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The American right-wing has identified another death panel: the tradition of young people having sleepovers. After two Minnesota girls killed themselves after a sleepover due to Facebook bullying, the American government decided to crack down on the new epidemic. Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin said:

I think that these evil sleepovers are going to kill our precious youth. They contain many death panels, and are going to even end up killing grandmothers of these kids. If President Reagan were alive today, he would be outraged over these sleepovers. They end up costing a bunch of money hard-working parents don't have. The liberal Democrats may think that they are a good thing, but I think we need to refudiate that.

Republicans support the outlawing of sleepovers in the United States because of the danger they represent. Speaker John Boehner said:

We need to cancel all sleepovers possible in this country. We may not be able to get it past the Senate, but we're still going to do it!

Many believe this action will be nothing more than a symbol of what these new Congressmen promised the voters in 2010 and will not have any effect on sleepovers. Senator Harry Reid said:

Come on, these sleepovers are good for the American public. There are no death panels involved in them. And I think that these guys calling them "draconian death machines" are completely crazy.

Health and Human Services secretary Kathleen Sebelius has said that any state that wants to opt out of the draconian sleepovers may, but Democrats may plan to counter this since they believe that all states should have sleepovers.

Watchdog agencies are watching any more dangerous sleepover killings like the ones that happened here. These hearings for something seeming as trivial as sleepovers is costing Congress billions and will add to the already-huge deficit. The death panels in sleepovers is still being debated and is split in fine factions of the American people.